Y BLACK ISN'T DEAD
Saturday, September 3, 2005
♫ Forsaken/All the Ashes
Sooo..whats new..
I came back from holidays a week ago. first I went to Olsztyn to an international volleyball tournament, then K. came to Olsztyn and we spend a week there together. a lot of my friends also came for the tournament so we had pretty much fun. Then me and K. went to Gdansk (at the Gdansk bay XP) and then to Wladyslawowo (by the sea). it was a reeeeeally good time even though K. was a bit short of money >.<
I already know the date for my exam (the one I failed in June), its Sept, 16. :( I've got to start studying because I havent yet!!! ;((((
Also,my 8ung.at account has been deleted cause I forgot to update some info and they were changing servers and stuff... >< blah. anyway. here links to some of my accounts: see what I listen to and if you are in my MSN list, check out my MSN space. ^.^
|09:07 p.m. CET|
Monday, August 8, 2005
♫
tomorrow I'm going away for three weeks. First I'm going by myself to Olsztyn, where the girls (natalia & co) arrive the next day, and then Alicja comes back from Copenhagen and the girls from Warsaw come and we all go together to the volleyball tournament (12.-14.08.) XDDDDDDD Then on 14.08. K. arrives and meets everybody (*________*) and then we stay together in Olsztyn for like 6 days. In the meantime we'd like to visit Wolfsschanze (it's hitler's former headquarters..lot of bunkers and such*_*) and either Malbork or Lidzbark Warminski (in both towns there are castles but Malbork is H U G E so we're considering visiting the second one..)... and then on 20.08. we're going to Gdansk (alicja lent us the flat she's hiring there^_^) and on this very day there is a gothic party there!!! ("temple of goths" it is called). yayness!!! and THEN on 24.08. we're going to Wladyslawowo which is by the sea.... and I LOVE THE SEA AND I HAVENT SEEN IT FOR LIKE TWO YEARS..which is a LOT for me. ^.~ YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
and then we're supposed to come back home on 27.08. but we might stay in Warsaw for another night on our way from the seaside.
WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! it's going to be so cool.
|02:02 a.m. CET|
Friday, August 5, 2005
♫ I'll (piano version)/Dir en grey
;( ;( ;(
|02:52 a.m. CET|
Wednesday, August 3, 2005
♫ Alive/X Japan
Yay!!! I finally got my mailbox back! I mean my Netscape Mail & Newsgroups. Before changing the HD I burnt the mail folders on a cd so that i could save all my 3,000 emails i had there and today we finally get to reinstalling it.... and it worked!!! it even remembered message filters!!! <3 Also... I didnt know that in the meantime Netscape 8 was released (I always had Netscape 7.1, i never even upgraded to 7.2 cause i didnt need to. ^_^ It actually seems that its impossible to find 7.x on Netscape's site anymore, so first I decided to d/l Netscape 8... and it turned out that its only the browser, without AIM (!), without Mail & Newsgroups (I use Firefox as a browser anyway, so de facto I only need M&N)... and the browser itself sucks.
Fortunately enough, I managed to find the .exe file (to 7.2, but it worked with my old 7.1 folders anyway) ^__________^ Guess I'll have to save it somewhere (burn or sth) so that I can always use it again....^__________^ YAY
so i got my mailbox, my mails...everything!! yayness.
I really missed using the software, even though earlier I only used webmail.. but after getting my own computer, I installed the mailbox..and its so much more comfortable ^^''' hehehe.
|10:56 p.m. CET|
Friday, July 29, 2005
♫ She's in Parties/Bauhaus
;________; i hate my parents!!!!!!!!!!!!
|04:04 p.m. CET|
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
♫ Mit dem Schwert nach Polen, warum Rene/Die Ärzte
http://www.renifer.aplus.pl/dt/blog
|02:33 a.m. CET|
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
♫ TOKYO Genso//ucifer
I'm proud to announce that I bought my very own server space ^_______^ it is (or will be) running under the free domain renifer.aplus.pl. Well.. I hope that I'll be able to cram up everything there, ie. my polish literature site, the forum for this site as well as this blog site. And.. well I'm thinking of installing wordpress (y'know, the blogging/publshing tool or whateva), although I have no idea if I'll be able to manage it ^^''' Maybe It's too complicated for me..? we'll see. I'll certainly be sorry to leave pitas... ;__; Well.. I've got so many things to do on the server right now o____O and my own little site has the lowest priority heh heh.. my god I'm sure i forgot all the html .. !!! i dont even have a decent html editor installed, let alone the fact that i havent re-installed my floppy disk drive and FDs are essential for my sites (its my habit to keep all site files on FDs)... >< but i havent got the right (TINY) screwdriver so I cant reinstall the FDD.. So i'll have to regain the files from the servers..which i dont like..waaaaaaaaaaah has anyone understood the tiniest bit of what i said just now? XP x|
|08:31 p.m. CET|
Sunday, July 24, 2005
♫ Die Banane/Die Ärzte
K.'s family didnt manage to leave yesterday for their holiday cause nobody managed to pack their things XP so K. came to visit me yesterday evening and he stayed the night ^_____^ cause the last bus never arrived ^_____^ my parents didnt say a thing, (they came back about 0130 and we were already sleeping or at least in bed), they seemed to be uninterested in the fact, so my guess is, maybe they didnt like it too much that he stayed but they chose to accept it and thats why they didnt mention it at all. either way... xDDD
|05:56 p.m. CET|
Saturday, July 23, 2005
♫
now... that hurt.
since it has been very hot for the past weeks, i havent been dressing in black for some time now... since i just dont feel comfortable when there is blazing sunlight and i'm out in everything black... >< whereas besides summer i dress mainly in black (not exclusively...but a lot). this taken, plus the fact that i took a liking to FRUiTS and obtained some cool "coloured" things recently... well..i just havent been dressing "like me" recently. Today, however, it was rainy and not really warm so i could set out for the city in a more extravagant AND black outfit. i wore my combat boots (ok,theyre dark blue..and dirtyxP), black tights, black-and-white striped knee-socks(?), a black knee-length skirt with a chain hanging in the front, black cami, black shirt, black pullover and black fishnet gloves (yay!). i really liked the look and i also liked the way some two youths on the bus were looking at me (of course their looks were not at all appreciative..) ... I like when people stare at me when i dress a bit more original than your average passer-by (i dont know how original i am, i'm trying ^.^ but i guess not that really... of course sometimes i dress totally plainly...well...thats irrelevant now.) ^^. soyeah. K. didnt say anything about my outfit and I think i finally asked him if he liked it and well it turned out he ... well, he pointed out the fishnet gloves which he liked XP and didnt seem to like all the rest. blabla... so later we talked and it turns out that he doesnt like when i dress "dark and scary"... (example is today). and since i started dressing in summer things he apparently thought i have given up my "dark and scary" style... Well for me its obvious so i imagined he also understands that the pink-babyblue phase is mostly destined for the summer period. v.V well sorry i HAVE NOT given up my style because it's "dark and scary" and black that i can call MY style and frankly, when i dress all-pink(e.g. my lovely old-pink shoes, a brown skirt with ribbons and a baby-pink top)- well, i do like it but for me it's a kind of flirting with some convention.. because this kind of outfit is SO TOTALLY NOT my style. o_____O
well K. never seemed to adore my usual style too much because he occassionally let it slip that "too much of everything is not good so i dont think one should wear black only" (whereas he never said anything like"i dont like your outfit" or "you shouldnt wear only black" etc). but frankly.. well, today i was very nastily surprised when i got to know that he doesnt really like my style - he prefers the pink one instead. O.O so i asked why did he actually start going with me, because its a bit peculiar for me that he did while he didnt like the way i dressed! so he said that he mostly likes my clothing, but sometimes he does not.. but uh.. thats a bit inconsistent, one time he does like it,another time he doesnt.. o_O i suppose he tried not to be too hard on me. Well... you see.. the thing is, I really couldnt care less about what people think about my style, i mean of course i'd like my friends to think i dress in a cool way, but if they dont say anything i simply assume they like it as i do XP XP XP as to passers-by, as i said i like the looks that are given to me, i must admit i feel a bit superior when people look at me critically (i never encountered a straightforwardly appreciative look anyway)... well, i just like it when they stare, ha ha. But well.. for one it is too obvious that I would like K. to like the way i dress -- and now it turns out that all those times i dressed in a way i thought was pretty and special--for him-- he thought it was too dark and scary and must have looked at me with contempt..-.- (ahem just to clear the matter-for me "dark and scary" would be totally positive ^>~ but we're using his -negative-categorisation...) so thats kinda... well, the feeling's not nice, is it? and well, i thouhht he liked it so i felt i ha some kind of support.. it's hard to explain.. and i lost this support all of a sudden. moreove, i thought he understood that i havent given up black, that was only a seasonal change, but well- he didnt.
i'm really sad about this all,y'know?
and uh.. Well i told him quite clearly (although he didnt mention a word about it,of course) that i will NOT change my style (didnt mention i dont care a fuck whether people like it or not xP) ... and of course i wont do it, i suppose i'd go mental if i tried to dress in a different way because somebody ELSE likes it. 0.o But the thing is, i'm going to feel weird about it.. I guess the weather will soon change again (i mean,it's the middle of the summerxP) so i wont be able to run around in black anymore and will have to go back to my pink and blue clothes. And I suppose-at least in the beginning - i will feel weird cause it will seem that i;m dressing like this For HIM(which i wont be) but i will hate the thought that he might think i'm doing it for him. ._. (yes i'm weird that way...) on the other hand,-- well if there is +30C there is no way i'm wearing black XPPPP And I' m sure i will want to dress "dark and scary" just for the sake of it, y'know? my god... am i weird or what.
just dont get me wrong, i dont hate the way I "have" to dress during summer, I like it, and i like to have this fruitsy feeling sometimes and i combine outfits with equal pleasure as those dark ones. it's just.. i feel MUCH better in black, it just IS me...
conclusion once again: i thought he liked the way i look and he doesnt. I'm very sad.
he and his family are going away tomorrow for a week (*cry*wail*) so maybe i'll get over it somehow... Ok not that it's been a great tragedy, there've been worse, but i must admit its been a shock for me ._.
|02:25 a.m. CET|
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
♫ Hymn 78/HappySad
;_____________________________________________;
i had this forum about literature..it was 9 months old, had over 12000 posts,over 100 users and.. apparently it simply got deleted (it was on a free hosting).... my god thats like a tragedy to me... surely you can understand... *kills herself and dies* my god ;___________________; i didnt have any data from it copied ANYWHERE especially since i changed my HD.... i cant even contact all the users cause all their contact data were ON THE FORUm..........
|11:55 p.m. CET|
Sunday, July 3, 2005
♫ No.[666]/Gazette
tomorrow i'm going to Olsztyn for two weeks. I'm glad but I dont want to leave without K. :( I'll miss him so much there :(( on the 16th I'm going to Torun to a netforum meeting and he's coming there the next day.. Oo;
|11:03 p.m. CET|
Friday, July 1, 2005
♫ Until The Day I Die/Luna Sea
going to sleep soon...lets hope i wont be sick again ;__________;
|02:38 a.m. CET|
Friday, July 1, 2005
♫ Sodatsu Zasso/Onitsuka Chihiro
uhhh...
so on Tue i went to a new women's doctor (new=a different one than i used to visit) in order to check what's with th pain that i've been getting around the ovaria for the past 3 months xS and well she said that everything's pretty alright and it's either a hormonal irregularity and thats why the ovaria are giving pain, or it might not be them at all, but the bowel. ;X she gave me contraceptives in order to stop the work of the ovaria so that they settle down and if it's because of them, i would get any pains anymore...
so thats where the problem begins. yesterday evening i took the first pill and today early in the morning i woke up, my head spinning and terribly nauseated... for the next three hours my body tried to get rid of the medicine.. :( man i think i havent vomited in like 10 or 12 years... it was awful! plus there wasnt much to vomit and my stomach was giving such cramps trying to get out the "poison"... :( So later in the day i called the doc and told her what happened and she said that it might be a one-time reaction because some contraceptives do things like that and that i should take another pill tonight and see what happens... o__________________O And uh whats worrying me a bit is that she asked whether i had a headache and well i told according to the truth that my head was spinning... Now that I try to remember it, i think it was only spinning and not a headache.. but when the pain woke me up i was pretty much half-conscious... :/ why i'm worrying is that a sudden headache means that you absolutely have to stop taking the medicine.. :| and i was so surprised she told me to take another pill today that i couldnt put more stress on the spinning-head fact.. urgh... So I took the pill and now i'm afrai that the same thing will happen again today... UGHHH its awful :( I'm telling myself that well.. at worst ill have to bear with it once again (sitting with my head over the toilet and shaking..yay...:(() and then i'll know that i cant take those anymore XP Of course my stomach and my bowels dont like the perspective.. I mean I'm nervous about it so they are too :( ... ahh...
I've been wirting more in lj reently.. I forgot to mention one thing - i failed the last exam. *cries* well, actually only the theoretical part of it (the practical one went REAlLY WELL ... heheh i was the only case with such discrepancy between the two notes.. XP) but if you failed one part you automatically fail the whole exam. bohohohoooo the whole exam session went so well tht i was sure i passed (i was 2,5 pts short of pass) ! So now i will write this exam (luckily only the part i failed, not the whole one) again in september, probably around the 20th. which sucks because i and K. thought that we MIGHT get a job abroad for september.. (we probably wouldnt've but still) .... and I will have to study it all again :( The teacher said she was very disappointed (hehe especially that the practical part went so well..o.O) and that basically everything i wrote was good (^_^) but there was too little... I was very sad and angry at myself for having failed that.. but well.. now its not time for thinking about it anyway..
this exam (it was german descriptive grammar btw) was generally diffcult, of our 20-people group there were only 9 who passed, the rest failed either one or both parts. :/ so the most of us will see each other sooner than suspected.. XPPPP
|12:03 a.m. CET|
Thursday, June 30, 2005
♫ Cocoon/Pierrot
fuck i'm so angry. everything went wrong today. damn.
i guess best solution would be to go to sleep but i dont feel sleepy. recently i've been going to bed past 0400 so probably thats whhy.
|01:42 a.m. CET|
Friday, June 10, 2005
♫
ok so today when i was restarting my laptop i had this communicate all of a sudden during starting up: 1720-SMART hard drive detects imminent failure. So i was all like "WHAT!?" thank goodness I still have K.'s external DvD burner (I myself have none in my laptop) which i borrowed from him like a week ago so i asked him to come and bring some DVDRs for backup's sake (NOW I know i should be happy to have such a small HD (20GB) since the whole disk could be backed up on 4 DVDRs XDDDDDDDDD!!! and it took "only" 6 hrs^.^) and so i copied the whole disk onto them, ran scandisk which now officially sucks in WinXP (in Win98 it showed some report and stuff, here it says nothing o.O)and then had in idea
(x posted)
|01:25 a.m. CET|
Sunday, June 5, 2005
♫ Ich bin die Sehnsucht in Dir/Die Toten Hosen
so a while after i wrote the last entry K. called and said that maybe he should come see me after all.. blahblah and he came and tested me in the vocab lists - seeing that i havent learnt anything i didnt answer many of the questions..and blah when i was walking him to the bus stop and later online we got to clear some things between us.. and its alright again ^.^
...which doesnt mean i'm not stressed anymore cause of the exam... -.- well maybe a bit less since i spent the last 5 hrs on the comp. eee.
|02:21 a.m. CET|
Saturday, June 4, 2005
♫ Sherry/SADS
mir gehts grade total schlecht >< bin total dekonzentriert ud ich glaube ich werde den scheißwortschatz nie lernen... dazu hab ich noch kopfschmerzen.. hab mein handy ausgeschaltet ... K. hat nicht angerufen obwohl er gestern sagte dass er meine stimme hören will... naja ab so 1500 uhr war der 'normale' telefon auch ausgeschaltet aber er sagte er rufe früher an weil er später weg muss... naja so wars mit dem 'meine-stimme-hören-wollen'.... grrrrr.... naja versuchte einige texte von den übersetzenübungen zu lesen aber immer wenn ich damit anfange fühle ich mich total zermürbt(??) dekonzentriert und was weiß ich...
soll etwas gegen kopfschmerzen nehmen... mensch ich kann einfach nicht weiter damit... scheißlernen...
naja und die ganze grammatik sachen die wir hatten, habe ich nicht einmal den absicht, sie zu lernen oder mal darüber zu lesen... ich weiß dass ich es bloß nicht lernen werde... aber das ganze wortschatz muss ich doch irgendwie verarbeiten... SCHEIßE....
weiß net, vielleicht wird die prüfung nicht so schlecht.. oder doch...*umkipp*
|06:24 p.m. CET|
Saturday, June 4, 2005
♫ naitomeia/SADS
blah. :/ I got up like 2 hrs ago, read some newspapers and.. thats all. soon there will be dinner so maybe i'm going to start studying in like 1.5 hrs... :| .... :///
|02:29 p.m. CET|
Saturday, June 4, 2005
♫
wow.. first time this year that i'm going to sleep so late.. um.. i mean because of sitting at the computer... not in general...zzzzz
|03:32 a.m. CET|
Saturday, June 4, 2005
♫ Sherry/SADS
...................................
really, that could be all i have to say.. ><
today i didnt see K because we didnt find a passing term (he had to do sth in the afternoon) and.. omg you know i dont think i'm able to write about it at all.. well ... i'll try ... cause you know i have this huge awful exam starting on monday (the exam list is on lj, ill post it here later) and i thought he'd come tomorrow so i could relax a bit cause i'm really stressed out and i know i will be a LOT MORE... plus i wanted him to test me in the vocabulary lists we have to learn...
so we just talked online and it turns out he doesnt know how he's going to see me either on saturday or on sunday cause his plans have changed and blahblah. so as i was saying something along the lines of "you dont have to come if you cant" or something i remembered that i wanted to work on those vocab lists (which i most probably will not be able to learn without someone's help.....) so i said that i wanted to do the fucking lists.. (well only then did he notice that it was something other than my fancy that i wanted him to come... my god and yesterday he was saying how awful it is that we wont see each other for one day..!) blahblah and what followed was a conversation based on a few repetitive lines, ie. "i will come if you need me" "but you planned something else so do this" "but if you need me then all other plans are unimportant" and so on. well because we were talking online i managed not to yell at him ... I guess you dont understand what i'm doing....So in the beginning i was mad because he dared change his weekend plans so that i wouldnt see him tomorrow. i dont know if i would be less mad, hadnt it been the pre-big-terrible-exam weekend...? maybe a bit... and then well.. I dunno, something bad is going on with me. Or maybe its normal? well he basically said what you saw, he said he'd come if i wanted .... and I said no (managing to contain myself so that i didnt add "go fuck yourself") ... the truth is i dont know how i;m going to stand those two days without seeing him and with all this stress going on... Yes, I see that this is nonsense and I'm aware of it AND I am really not sure why i did it.. probably because I was still mad at him...
i dunno... well since I already did this, I s'pose I should try to get by and not mention anything to him (e.g. about stress or something) ... Because I frequently think I'm too...possessive (which actually is the truth, and anyway he asked me tonight if he "wasnt allowed to have any plans of his own"...) so well if i already started this so perhaps that would be a good opportunity to try to show that im (trying not to/) not being possessive... Ah...
well i guess this is just all crap and nonsense.. what is mor you just saw how terribly awful a person i am. ... :/
|01:16 a.m. CET|
Monday, May 30, 2005
♫ Pain Lies on the Riverside/Live
I'm just so happy with K.
thats about all i have to say for now.
|11:58 p.m. CET|
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
♫ Lonely/Deine Lakaien
so tomorrow at 0800 i'm having my first exam, a "zero" one in German history. I hope I pass! I'd like to get a 4 (the range is 2=no pass, 3=pass, 4=good, 5=excellent) but I dont really know a lot about the topics so I s'pose I'll have to be glad with a 3.... IF at all oO
tomorrow's also K.'s last graduation exam (written in Russian)... at LAST.. I'm glad it will be over already! Now he'll have to concentrate on my exams lol xPP.
I got a great gift from him today(since its my nameday today) - a FURRY GREY BAG!!! can you imagine?? well he knows i like furry things but he remembered that i have once said i'd like to have a furry bag... oO whereas usually his memory doesnt always serve him right xPPP it was so sweet of him!!!! <3 <3 <3 Also Daria called to wish me all the best. ^_______^ <3
|11:08 p.m. CET|
Sunday, May 15, 2005
♫ Sandy Time (live)/Luna Sea
Ok...Time to write sth. .__.
recently i've been ... stressed out. really. exam session is coming nearer and nearer and...well its not even that i dont have enough time but im just WASTING IT.. like..the most i can stand without doing a break for sneaking up to the computer is 1 hour. ._____. i totally cannot concentrate. >< So I'm stressed out, distracted, ...its not maybe that i dont have time for THINGS but I'm too distracted to gather my thoughts and think e.g. what I should buy and where or things like these. I dunno.. its awful..!! I hope i dont crack soon :/. To give you a little Einblick in whats coming: 25.05. Wed I'm going to take the german history exam(oral; its the so called zero-date which means it takes place before the actual exam session starts and often - but not always - if you dont pass the exam, nothing happens, you simply come again in the exam session and take it once again), then on 02.06. (Thu?) we MIGHT have one zero-date exam (US history, the "real" exam in it is going to take place on 10.06.)and another one which will not be a zero one but an actual exam, only earlier - German descriptive grammar.
the exam session starts on 04.06. (Sat) and then it begins... BLOODSHED *nods head* :/.... It will last until 25.06. (Sat) ... :/ eeek
on another note - next week there will be a series of concerts (uni-veranstaltungen) featuring some of my fav. polish bands - so we're going to a concert on Thu, Sat and hopefully on Sun (i dont know if I'd be able to stay at K.'s for the night Sun/Mon, if i dont, I cant go to the concert ;____; and on Sun is Farben Lehre which I'd like to see the most ><) and additionally on Fri we're going to see the SW Episode III xDDDDDD we've already bought the tickets. so I'm staying at K.'s continually for at least 3 nights ^______^; yay. I'm probably coming home for Saturday because I have to learn but on Fri it wont rather make sense If i come home and then have to come back before the movie starts >< because It'd just take too much time... So I reckon I'll have to take my papers and TRY VERY HARD to study at K.'s ... which wont be easy since as I told you I get TOTAlLY distracted anyway,and with him in Reichweite ..um..yeah. xPP He's also supposed to study(he stil has 2 graduation exams left) but .... ehhhh.. We'll see... n.n;
|11:55 p.m. CET|
Saturday, May 14, 2005
♫ Lamento Eroico/Rhapsody
I edited and published my manga/anime lists at animenewsnetwork.com, you can go and see what i've read/seen and what i havent - My Manga and My Anime. ^^;
x-posted to lj.
|08:16 p.m. CET|
Tuesday, May 3, 2005
♫ ~~~
luna sea ~ until the day i die
x japan ~ alive (live kyoto 1988)
luna sea ~ i for you
was ich letztens so höre und was zufällig auch sehr schön ist. ^^
wurde mir auch providence von luna sea empfohlen, habs schon früher runtergeladen aber noch nicht gehört, höre grade und es beginnt auch sehr schön. ... ^^~~
|10:47 p.m. CET|
Monday, May 2, 2005
♫ Breathe/Luna Sea
So I and K. went to Sandomierz for 2 days (28-30.04). Sandomierz is a very old town about 110 km south-west from here, and it has quite big and beatiful Old Town. we only stayed there for so short (we could have stayed longer since tomorrow is Flag Day and on Tue is Constution day so i dont go to the uni) because we both wanted to study for the rest of the long weekend.. :( anyway the weather was average - it was rather cold but at least it didnt rain. the place where we lived (a room in a one-family house) was directly in the old town so the location was really great... but our room was ... well it was a low groundfloor but it was used as a basement .___. we had a big room for ourselves and a bathroom even but the standard wasnt very high. it was VERY average, i'd say. :/ well but this wouldnt matter but for one thing....
....it was TERRIBLY COLD there. we slept under two quilts and a blanket and still it was SO cold, I wonder we didnt catch a cold. .________. the room seemed to acquire the outside temperature (13 - 5 C ...... XP) :(
but on the overall we had a really great time. ^________^ we really liked the town and in general.. it was great to be together ^.^ yay.
|01:27 a.m. CET|
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
♫ Dir en Grey
we have a gerund-and-stuff test tomorrow so i thought i'd write down some senteces here for practice purposes. o_O
-She grudged coming closer to him.
-They deferred going to school until noon.
-This entailed expelling them, eventually.
-They relished being free at last.
-Eventually they renounced ever having gone to any school.
-They were bent on opening their own cheese factory.
-They decided to embark on living anew.
-They always gambled on themselves.
-They were very intent on opening their factory soon.
-They could harp on launching new cheese sorts for hours on end.
-They dreamed of being renowned for having introduced colourful cheese.
-Some people chided them for being so proud.
-But some other commended them for being so.
-Some said that allowanced should be made for their being so young.
-Nobody could deny that they had a flair for doing business.
-But soon they let themselves in for calling some important person names.
-When the time for the trial had come, they exempted themselves from coming to court.
-They shrank from going there.
-At last somebody dissuaded them from avoiding the trial any longer.
-Nevertheless, they've become wary of facing the court henceforth.
-Time has passed and they despaired of setting up their factory.
-The workers who were supposed to build the factory only made a pretence of working.
-Soon they repented of having employed such people.
-They didnt have any notion of there being such awful employees.
-However, they managed to coerce the most of the workers into embarking on building.
-Actually they cajoled them into doing it.
-At first they wanted to blackmail some of them into it.
-But they decided they would abstain from doing this.
-Afterwards they became very blase about employing new ppl.
-They must have been cut up about the earlier situation.
-They didnt like to be explicit about that.
-They made no bones about being mad at certain persons.
-But finally they entrusted some company with organizing the building of the factory.
-Unfortunately they were barking up the wrong tree in thinking that this would help that.
-The new company turned out to be implicated in setting up some buildings which turned out not be up to any building standards.
-The brothers were prompt in firing the company's people.
-But still they persevered in eventual opening the factory of their dreams.
-They didnt want to be thwarted in abandoning their dreams.
-They were totally engrossed in the idea.
-Even though some said they were pigheaded in sustaining this dream.
-Very slowly they made headway in preparing for the building of the factory.
-But soon they were dismayed at seeing the bills for the building materials.
-They were totally chafed at the prices being so high.
-They scowled at the governments policy regarding building.
-Time has passed and the brothers were more and more disgruntled at their dream.
-But they were flabbergasted at hearing that there was a foreign company with a very good reputation who heard about their troubles and wanted to help them.
-At first they were nonplussed at hearing this but soon they had to rejoice at changing of the fortune.
-For them, it was tantamount to starting the building once again.
-Also the government this time was conducive to setting the factory up.
-In a month the new company fell to working.
So hey it even turned out into a story. XD hope you liked it :lol: XD
wish me luck on tomorrows test ;(
|10:08 p.m. CET|
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
♫ Precious/Luna Sea
zzzzzz...we didnt have one class today so i came back home after fonetics and am going back to school in a while..omg i dunno it might be the air pressure but i'm just SO sleepy and tired :/ ....zzzzZzzZzzzzz... today we have a test in german descriptive grammar :/ wish me luck .___.
|11:15 a.m. CET|
Monday, April 18, 2005
♫
so the calendar got deleted (i think its temporary, i dunno). i also got an idea for a new layout - very simple and minimalistic one (hah what a surprise) und ich hoff ich werd es relativ schnell im tat umsetzen ne.
|07:57 p.m. CET|
Monday, April 18, 2005
♫
it seems like the first spring thunderstorm is coming.. o____O
|07:47 p.m. CET|
Sunday, April 17, 2005
♫ Unfinished/X Japan
!!!---EXHIBITIONISM---!!!
so, um, quite surprisingly .. i talked with K. about sex. (well, that was pretty blunt, wasnt it? XD) surprisingly because it happened quite .. accidentally xP. anyway so basically he said he didnt feel like being ready and stuff like this (ok now it sounds like i tried to lure him into bed ....>< which i didnt XP)... actually it sounds quite weird, i dunno, i just cannot imagine a guy saying "i'm not ready for it"... you know??? not that i ever talked to another man/boy about it but... you know!!! So anyway i guess I feel a bit relieved, i mean i know (or i think i know) he wouldnt "try" anything if i didnt want it but still.. ^^ cause already when i was asking the question (THE question being very euphemistic ie. if he thought i should start taking contraceptives XDDDDDDD) i was thinking "ugh.. maybe i shouldnt ask it yet, its not any obliging talk or whatever but still.. maybe i just shouldnt" but as you can see everything turned out nicely.. On second thought - I just realised i havent thought about what his answer MAY be ... (which is weird cause i usually try to predict what might happen) hah anyway - I probably wouldnt think he;d say "oh i'm not ready" because you typically think that a GUY is ALWAYS ready for sex, dont you? ...
argh he's just so cute!!
---
I also got some new photos, will show soon. ^^
|02:29 a.m. CET|
Saturday, April 16, 2005
♫ Elizabeth/XIII. Stoleti
i didnt manage it to the surgeon because it turned out i needed a paper for it from my family doctor.. so i went to them and they checked me and they didnt find anything not even the slightest painful place which could suggest there was sth with my appendix and they told me to go to the gynaecologist. one thing i managed to get was blood test (leukocytes) in order to check whether there was ANY inflammation inside of me and quite surprisingly... it turned out all right. there is a minor surplus of monocytes, though, but the leukocytes as such are definitely OK. o_OOO hmh. This way or other, on Mon I'm going to the Frauenarzt ;) again... to check what the hell is going on. I mean she's been treating me for like ages (=two months) with some very strong medicines and NOW i have worse pains than i ever experienced before i took the medicine.. :
in other news... mensch i must update this damn calendar or delete it at least (my floppy disk drive has fallen out and i havent managed to put it inside again since so i cant use my FD where the site files are.. and am too lazy to download it from the net >.<;;) because K.'s graduation exams are starting THIS MONDAY (18-25.04. there are oral examinations and then in May the written ones)...........I'm TERRIFIED you know?? I was like 1,000 times less stressed last year when i had my own graduation exams than I am now... quite obviously I am not showing it to him - the other day i was talking to the girls in the group about it and they were like "but if you freak out like that he'll freak out even more" and i was like "come ON, i'm not going to freak out in front of him!!!!" (I'll postpone fainting until he goes in XD) Nah when I talk about it to sb I get really stressed but of course when I'm with him I'm an oasis of peace ;))) (thats what I'm there for anyway, arent I?)
gah. its like 0300 and i wanted to go to sleep before midnight... ;(
|02:36 a.m. CET|
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
♫
tomorrow mornig I'm going to the surgeon in order to check if i have appendix inflammation.. cause I've been having some weird pains in the lower right side of my belly.. well it seems a bit TOO low for the appendix but you never know...
needless to say -I'm DYING of fear that i might have to go the hospital and have a surgery. *dies*
[x posted]
|12:23 a.m. CET|
Monday, April 11, 2005
♫ Paradies/Die Toten Hosen
so I came back from my visit to Warsaw yesterday. I had a lot of fun with Justyna and Lila,I'm really glad I went even though Alicja couldnt make it :. Vampiriada, the gothic party we went to on Saturday night, was really great too. the club was totally small but nice (armchairs! *__*). we didnt spend too much time there (we arrived late and we were rather tired) , we left at 0100 but still it was really nice. XD there ws a bit too much electro as for my liking but just when I was beginning to think to myself that there is too much electro XP the DJ played "Elizabeth" so I squealed and ran to the "dance-floor" (which was totally small, too) XDDD So here's the setlist or what I managed to recognize of it.. (very little):
lacrimosa ~ alleine zu zweit
rammstein ~ engel
sisters of mercy ~ lucretia my reflection
wolfsheim
(covenant?)
project pitchfork
vnv nation
xiii stoleti ~ elizabeth
"the final countdown" (death(?)metal cover)
"big in japan" (see above)
oomph! ~ augen auf
nightwish ~ wish i had an angel
rammstein ~ ?
sisters of mercy ~ temple of love
iron maiden - run to the hills (?)
closterkeller ~ zegarmistrz swiatla
^________^;
|10:14 p.m. CET|
Monday, April 4, 2005
♫ Paradies/Die Toten Hosen
LACRIMOSA are coming to Poland 05.06. - 06.06.2005. (Su-Mon), first to Cracow then to Bydgoszcz (X|). I'm probably going to kill myself because there are very big chances that I'm going to have an exam (exam session lasts throughout whole June) on 06.06. and both Cracow (6 h by train) and Bydgoszcz (almost 7 h) are much too far to dream about going to the concert and either managing it to come back for the exam or leavin on the day of the exam. omg Lacrimosa are like so great and its probably the only chance in a couple of years to see them IN POLAND and DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!!!!! I'm going to cry..
the tickets are also expensive (well, you would think) although the prices are only set for Bydgoszcz for the time being. and I dont know WHEN I am going to know the date of the exam, so IF I'm able to go to th concert I might not be able to buy the tickets in presale (how do you say Vorverkauf?) thus will have to pay even more. not that it is the biggest problem... :..... *cries*
|09:17 p.m. CET|
Saturday, March 26, 2005
♫ I Do Not Want This/NIN
omg i think I'm gonna throw up... I accidentally stumbled upon a blog of some bulimic girl and I started reading other anorexic/bulimic blogs.... my god its so awful how they are slowly killing themselves..! and those entries in the guestbooks: "dont worry my dear, we'll survive and we'll be like butterflies.." ... god its really terrible.. =((((
|09:39 p.m. CET|
Saturday, March 26, 2005
♫ usotsuki/DAS;VASSER
oh and one another thing. You know K.'s prom?? well the "movie" from it arrived some weeks ago on a DVD. K. saw it (said I looked beatifully *hides*) - I didnt see it (well we dont have a DVD-player but of course thats not the reason), I said I did not want to because I think I just look stupid and I just dont like films like these. Well he was surprised because I reacted a bit fiercely and I tried to explain to him that its simply because I think I look awful and the idea of the film is stupid.. So he... well maybe not understood but didnt try to convince me to see it or something. Well I would see it anyway because Kamila wants me to bring it so she could watch it (so I'd watch with her) but well its not like me wanting to see it by myself... and I thought he'd leave it but now... Well I asked him to borrow me his CD-burner since its portable - I dont have one in my laptop and I badly need it now. the burner is also a DVD player and all friday K. was like "oooh.. and I'll bring the prom movie and we'll see it right?" and I was like... "....no... why? I dont want to..." etc but I kinda tried not to protest too much... Because well apparently its important to him if he mentioned it so many times.. I feel a bit stupid since well.. its OUR prom, we went there together and if I dont want to see the movie it means that I dont ...ackonowledge it or sth? of course its not like that.. because I really had a good time there... and so on.. but uh. I just dont want to see myself filmed.. I know its stupid and its nothing terrible etc... I just dont like it.. but he's so keen on it.. : I hope I didnt hurt him or something when I said I didnt want to see it at all, I had no idea it'd be so important to him..somehow. Btw, I didnt even know that the cd-burner is also a dvd-player.. so i was bit surprised when he proposed that he;d bring the film along..ahwel...weirdness
|09:18 p.m. CET|
Saturday, March 26, 2005
♫ Over/DAS;VASSER
If you dont like reading about doctors, medications and illnesses then dont read this entry. XP
this week was like... blah. it started with me having a sore throat on monday and my throat felt really bad until about Wed/Thu. :( Meanwhile, I dont know if i told you, I'm taking this polyvaccinum injections - a vaccination which is supposed to make me more resistible to colds, but also other illnesses. So if I were really ill (like feverish etc) I would have to break the vaccination (14 injections, 9 or 8 of which are still left) so I hoped I wont be that ill so I wouldnt have to break the injection series. on Wed I visited my doctor and she told me there is no need to break the series since I'm not that much ill and that I should just take some ordinary medications and I should be alright. afterwards I went to the gynaecologist :( I finally got to know whats up with me, its adnexitis. She said she'd give me antibiotics in form of injections (and that they dont interfere with polyvacc.) and I was like "alrigh'" and she was like "you will need to take those injections twice a day" and I was like "WHAT!!!!!!" well its also 14 injections so it takes 7 days and its good that its Easter now because If I had to take them during school it would be much more disturbing..like.. I would come back from school and be like "omg I'm so exhausted and I STILL have to take the damn injection" and she also gave me some other medication and Orgametril (synthethic which should work like progesteron) in order to regulate my period SOMEHOW - I'm not taking it yet.
So these injections from the gynae- turn out to be really awful (you have to take them intramuscularly X|) and they really do hurt a lot :((( today in the morning I had a particularly bad one :( and its still half of them left :(
well that wasnt the end of my great medicine-week, next day I went to the gastrologist cause of my stomach (well, intestines) problems... I was kinda afraid of the visit but he confirmed the diagnosis my doctor gave me ... i dunno how to call it in english but its a "mild" illness.. well basically my innards dont really like it when I'm getting nervous (although sometimes I dont know that I'm streesed until I feel a stomachache) and sometimes they are really raving :( ....
blah. Yesterday I went to see K., I wasnt really sure about it since he has a cold as well and I'm supposed to be "becoming healthy" and I didnt want to be infected again but I finally decided to go. this was a good time.... :) I'm really glad I went. But today I'm feeling really awful. Oh I forgot to mention that I've had a running nose since Thu and on Fri I went to ask my doc about it since well it shouldnt occur anymore when I more or less got rid of the previous cold. but she said it is because of the antibiotic my gynaecologist gave me (gentamycinum) - that it causes the sinuses to... you know.. let out everything that's been crammed up in them ;) and hence the running nose. but its just been getting worse and today my head aches terribly (right now I feel as if I had an iron ring clutching my head.. and I dont really know whats up with myself, if it is really because my sinuses are letting go or maybe I'm sick again... I dont even want to take any painkillers since I'm not sure they would agree with the antibiotics... ......
my grandparents' train is arriving in half an hour and blah... I feel so crappy and everybody will want me to be all merry and smiling and eat all those thing while I feel so terrible... I dont even want to go to sleep since I know it wont bring me any relief.......... ...
|08:51 p.m. CET|
Sunday, March 20, 2005
♫
fuck! fuck! fuck! they didnt show the world cup decoration ceremony on ANY damn tv i have!!!!! @^$@*&^*!^!(*^& Well I dont know if the decoration took place at all since Janne fell down having jumped at 240 m and they had to carry him away on stretchers and when eurosport have been finishing their broadcast all the finns were standing under the podium and waiting/discussing what should happen (who should take the Cup?) since Janne apparently wasnt able to go to the podium himself.. so um.. I dont know how you make a ceremony when the winner cant go there himself.. O_O but still! damn.
|12:10 p.m. CET|
Sunday, March 20, 2005
♫ Closedown/The Cure
So we had a little meetup today evening.. well there were all the people I saw recently but there was also Zocha whom I saw two weeks ago but it was only for a minute or two and otherwise we havent seen or talked to each other for AGES on end. I was glad to finaly be able to talk with her again ^^; I think we must meet soon again! ^^
|12:12 a.m. CET|
Thursday, March 17, 2005
♫ The Seven Angels/Tobias Sammet's Avantasia
omg.. i suck so badly. ;(((
|11:42 p.m. CET|
Saturday, March 12, 2005
♫ Jestem/Farben Lehre
Ugh. So at our Malgorzata-Musierowicz-forum I kinda began the discussion about abortion.. and i feel weird now cause well it turned out that everybody who posted something on the topic were against abortion and that its murder and so on and so on, while I said that I would definitely do an abortion if I were to have an unwanted child. well basically everything I said was quite radical etc. etc. and while those ARE my true beliefs and Im not going to alter them or back from them, ...well I still feel weird cause for the first time I'm really in a strong opposition to the rest of the forum (well, the rest that took part in the discussion). i really do feel awfully radical now. :/ But I mustnt let myself be driven into pondering on something I believe strongly in. Cause that discussion showed me that I really DO KNOW what to think about this particular question, plus i informed myself additionally on womenonwaves.org website. well basically everybody knows that I hate children and I dont want to have one and for the time being I know that if i were to have this child right now, I really would try anything to prevent its birth (simply put I would do the abortion) because I just cant imagine being pregnant for one, the labour itself, and HAVING a child at the age of 20 because it would just ruin my life.. I would have to have a break at the university, I dont work, I dont see anyone who would be willing to take care of the baby (my parents dont have time for themselves, let alone "unwanted" grandchildren) and last but not least K. being the only potential father at the moment ;) ...well he's just so totally not ready for being the father, he doesnt work either, he's not even studying yet and its not likely that we would be able to live together at all.. well somehow we probably would.. I know its all EXTREMELY FAR-FETCHED what I'm saying now but so is imagining that I would be having an abortion... its just the nature of the question of abortion that provokes such thoughts.. or?
so here we're somehow entering a more private section of this entry ;) (you might stop reading now if you want to)
I guess I'll have to talk to K. about hmmm.. intercourse ;) some time soon... well.. maybe not that soon.. I dunno. OK it sound weird, Its not like I want to plan our every move, its just being responsible eh (and not wanting any childrenXP). It's just that last time I was at the gynae-lady, I asked about contraceptives (it made me feel all grown-up.. heh), when do you have to start taking them, if they start working from the first day (which they do, I had no idea! I mean on the one hand its kinda reasonable and obvious that they WOULD work from the first day you take them, but then again... its not like a painkiller or...? well, anyway ... its not that important..) and all things aside.. well you do think about those things if you have a b/f right? ;) by the way - I'm goign to spend the night at his place tomorrow HOPEFULLY - there's a Farben Lehre concert tomorrow in Lublin (YAY!!!!!!!!) and of course if I were to go back home after the concert I'd have to take the extremely expensive taxi cause there's no other way to come back to Swidnik in the middle of the night... So my parents would give me the money but well.. you can imagine that money can be spent on other more pleasant things than a costly taxi :( So I was complaning to K. the other day if there would be ABSOLUTELY no possibility that I could stay the night at his place (he lives in Lublin) cause I really wouldnt like to pay for the taxi, especially that our financial stand wasnt the best recently..:/ and surprisingly enough - it suddenly turned out that his parents are going away for the weekend (you see they have an awfully small flat so when everybody's at home there is almost no possibility for another person to sleep somewhere) :| So now I'm totally freaking out because I have to tell my parents Im going to spend the night at his place (without his parents at home!) ...! I cant remember if I told you what happened on the new years eve (well, 31.12) - I wanted him to stay overnight and yes, in the same bed with me XP I was sure that my mother wouldnt object to it but she went totally NUTS and from what she said it seemed as if she thought i was some kind of teenage whore (not to mention I'm 20 yrs old and fairly responsible) and she said lots of awful things which were totally unexpected and which I'm not going to forget soon and so i will certainly try to convince them that we're not gonna share the bed (which we are.. but no more than that ;)) but I'm just SO AFRAID that they just wont believe me and s on.. You must think that we are all totally nuts because this is so hypocritical and ognorant of my parents - they are a bit older than me after all and they must realise that if we so extremely wanted to have sexual intercourse (<- I like this phrase ^~) we WOULD do it ANYWHERE and we wouldnt need a bed, a house, a night or anything!!! How STUPID is that??? ... The worst part is they just dont want to believe what I say.. right cause I'm just a little whore who'd go to bed with anyone and I'm just seeking the occasion to do it RIGHT??? Omg ... I mean, the fact that my mother is inquisitive from time to time (well she hasnt done it for a long time but she did ask if we had sex a couple of times.. which i didnt have trouble answering but I didnt like it too much...) is ENOUGH, generally I wouldnt like them to know anything about the more intimate part of our life.. -.- but it just sucks SO BADLY that they dont believe me when i say that NO we are not going to have sex.. blah blah blah ... omg its really so frustrating. so I'm going to tell them I want to spend the night at K.'s tmorrow when I get up and then they're gonna have about 4-5 hrs to figure that out... I mean its so hypocritical - they know that we MIGHT have sex but they just dont wanna accept it, be conscious of it... you know??? its a pity I dont know any reasonable mother with children in similar age to me who would explain to me how a parent feels about it... :/
So I'm not really that sure about posting this particular entry to public but on the other hand nobody enters this journal really.. well besides people whom I know will read it and I'm OK with it... ;) and I'm quite positive K. would hate to know that something like this has been posted online.. even though its nothing extremely private... or something...
soo.. keep your fingers crossed that my parents dont freak out tomorrow (Sat) and dont make me cry all day again :(
|12:20 a.m. CET|
Wednesday, March 9, 2005
♫ ?/MUCC
and sorry for the calendar.. o-0 I'll try to change it soon XP
|11:45 p.m. CET|
Wednesday, March 9, 2005
♫
Olsztyn - winter holidays ^^
|10:51 p.m. CET|
Monday, March 7, 2005
♫
yay! 3,5 hrs left before i have to get up!!! >.<;;;;;;;;; i cant sleep... :/ i already have a plan that tomorrow i skip all the lectures in the middle of the day and go to K's instead try to get some rest- if not SLEEP and then come back for the last class... dont wanna skip the lectures but what with 3 or 2.5 hrs of sleep i s'pose i'll have to ... otherwise i would just fall asleep during the lectures*shrgs*
|02:12 a.m. CET|
Sunday, March 6, 2005
♫
YAY!! dank der entdeckung von Freitag -- dass wir jetzt irgendwie MTV Deutschland gekriegt haben -- konnte ich heute weekendstunt mit FARIIIIIIIIIN URLAAAAAAAAAAUB sehen YAY*_______* XD!!!!!!!!!! nicht zu übersehen der fakt dass ich auch endlich die Hosen show FRISS ODER STIRB fernsehn kann!!!!! wie geil geil geil!!
Wenn wir schon bei den Hosen sind-- drei albums von denen, die ich noch nicht hab aber hatte seit ewig vor, sie zu kaufen, sind jetzt im sonderangebot (ich habs heute total zufällig erfahren, --gott sei dank denn ich wollte sie schon morgens auf allegro -teurer!-kaufen....x.x) - deswegen werd ich wahrscheinlich morgen oder am montag mein ganzes konto ausspülen um Reich&SexyII(2cds!), Opium fürs Volk und Kauf Mich zu kaufen. dazu will ich noch Disintegration von the Cure da es auch im Sonderpreis angeboten wird.
yayayayayay!!!!!!!!!!!1 xdddddd*_*;
|02:21 a.m. CET|
Friday, March 4, 2005
♫ Benedetta Passione/Laura Pausini
so,um...havent posted in a while, or..?
there are things going on ... well.. usual-life things.. but i'm just too lazy to write..somehow. i'm having a minor cold right now and i think it's got a bit into my sinuses... i only hope not too much. 3 weeks ago i also was at the gyneacologist's and she gave me a LOT of medicine... an antibiotice which i had to take for more then 10 days(!) and painkillers and other stuff.. problem is, this all was in prediction of my period starting soon after my visit to the doctors, but it didnt. it started today. so I dont think most of this medication (see painkillers) made sense at all... PLUS I'm taking a special kind of ibuprofen against sinuses which means i cant take any other painkiller against my awful cramps i'm having because of my period. @^^$@&^$ I mean, surely the part of this ibuprofen is helping a little but it's just a TINY bit... *dies* well i'll get better like tomorrow or on Sat... but still.. blargh. !!! on my next visit to the gynae-woman (in a month) I'm going to get something to regulate my cycle... finally...
so that was a newsflash on my (poor) health.. otherwise.. at the uni it's busy and pissing-off and i'm too lazy to do things... e.g. i should study more italian but i'm not.. and so on. things between me & K. are fine, only we dont get to see each other that often now- his graduation exams are coming very fast now so he's trying to study everything at one time, plus my cold this week didnt do anything to help us seeing each other XP.
site of the ...say, month: craftster.org forums. ^^
|12:13 a.m. CET|
Thursday, February 3, 2005
♫
Ok so i was supposed to go to sleep 1.5 hr ago but i didnt because first i discussed with my mother about if i should go visit Konrad tomorrow (he had a cold - probably because of me - but its his BIRTHDAY tomorrow) and the result was negative, then i.. i dont know what, and then Saturn signed on and so we talked for a while and exchanged some photos^^;;;
I've been talking to Matthias a bit again recently - I've got some new MSN clients and thats why I'm finally logging on to MSN again cause I havent properly done that in a month or so - and I'm actually glad I did. well first thing we talked was the fact that he had a girlfriend (he didnt when we last had a decent talk ;)) and it turned out that not only did they get to know each other online like me and K. did, but also in an ...well, unusual way (she liked his nickname so she texted him..XD) and eventually after meeting a couple of times they started to go out, which was about the time we did start to go out as well... so Matthias was all like "she's beautiful, wonderful" etc etc and I was so happy for him :D he said they were having some arguments but well.. it can never be perfect,or? but the next day his g/f broke up with him :(((((((( and he's so terribly sad because of it!!! I feel so sorry for him... I'm glad i can be there for him somehow, even if I cant help much (and I dont know how much he actually wanna talk about it..) but he said himself that the fact that I'm talking to him etc etc is helping in some way... =) I really hope those two are going to sort it out somehow..!! and its actually a pity I'm going to Olsztyn - therefore offline - but he's also going away for a similar period of time so no loss to any of us ;))
oooh. have to update calendar...
so,um, tomorrow is K.'s birthday :// I really considered going there and giving him his present but even if i avoided dangerous interaction ;) with him, he's having the kind of cold that i would probably become sick just BEING THERE :( and you know - on Friday I'm gonna spend a whole day in trains and in Warsaw - on my way to Olsztyn - and then the weekend is pretty important because of some socialising I'm gonna do ;D - not to mention that my whole, short stay in Olsztyn is TERRIBLY important and I cant lose it to my own stupidity.... ergo, I cant go visit K. on HIS BIRTHDAY because there's a high possibility I'd catch a cold as well. ;( gah... you know, I've had the present for him for like 5 weeks now and I so couldnt wait to give it to him ever since I got it and now it'll have to wait :( and then when I come back it wont be this special day anymore... no matter what I do... As to the present - i bought him a Lacrimosa CD :D :D its not actually anything NEW, just more of a gadget cause he already knows most of the (9) songs included.. its not even NEW (i couldnt afford a factory new one), i bought it at allegro (um, polish ebay)... well it was a good offer and I really thought about it and i finally stated he WOULD LIKE to have an original album of theirs so,well, i bought it. and anyway Lacrimosa is relatively hard to get (well, you can do it online; not too many stores have them,though) - even in Warsaw you wont find a huge selection of them,let alone here in Lublin - and well, they are also not the cheapest band, either. OK, should i want Sonata Arctica or Nightwish,I'd probably have to pay the same - the prices are not out of "ordinary", I mean - but its still EXPENSIVE. (CD prices here are often much the same as in Germany, while OTHER stuff in Germany is on average 2-4 times more expensive than here. GO FIGURE). so, blablabla, I got him something which I find special and i hope he will think so too..... duh.. I think I will have to do something really special for our meeting when I come back from Olsztyn...
and meanwhile, I'm totally happy I'm finally going to Olsztyn. ^^ I dunno, its not like its been unusually long since i've been there last (to the contrary) but I miss it a lot somehow. not to mention that I miss Alicja a loooot ... and guess what. she's currently in Gdansk(where she's studying) with her friend Marta from Cracow, and on Fri they're both coming to Olsztyn. I met Marta 1.5 yr ago and she's really a great girl, so nice and funny :D Sadly, Marta's leaving on Sunday morning (thats why i had to change my plans a bit cause originally i was going to go to O. on Sat, not Fri) but we still have the whole Saturday and - hopefully - Saturday night ;), since Alicja mentioned me staying overnight with them XDDDD omg its gonna be sooo much fun!! I cant wait!!
alright so now I'm really tired and I gotta do a lot of things tomorrow...like, get up earlier than 1100, go shopping, PACK, make and receive telephone calls, PACK, ...and pack as well. So...*dozes off* zzz
|01:18 a.m. CET|
Saturday, January 29, 2005
♫ Elizabeth/XIII Stoleti
blah... I'm feeling terrible... i got an awful headache since yesterday... so i'm either going to have a flu or a sinus inflammation... *sigh* thats why i couldnt see K. today.. and probably wont for the next couple of days ;( which is a good opportunity... since he should be studying.. ;...
other than that.. well.. i forgot XP ... zz
|06:36 p.m. CET|
Saturday, January 22, 2005
♫
yayness!! there will be a gothic party in Lublin!!! on Tuesday night! And we're going XDDDDDDDD here info in polish and here playlist XDDDD
|04:43 p.m. CET|
Friday, January 21, 2005
♫ A Gothic Love Song/Current 93
i only just read this... how ironic!!!
Word of the Day for Thursday January 20, 2005
perfunctory pur-FUNGK-tuh-ree, adjective:
1. Done merely to carry out a duty; performed mechanically or
routinely.
2. Lacking interest, care, or enthusiasm; indifferent.
|02:30 p.m. CET|
Friday, January 21, 2005
♫
how awful. this layout has been online for SIX FUCKING MONTHS.
.................... :|
|12:36 a.m. CET|
Friday, January 21, 2005
♫
ok.. now i got myself into a whiny mood... and i should go to sleep and FALL asleep asap.... *cries*
|12:32 a.m. CET|
Friday, January 21, 2005
♫ ....
i think i'm gonna have a serious talk with konrad on saturday. i'm such a dork that i didnt talk to him today, but first i just didnt feel like it and then.. well, he distracted me ;) but well... i've already had a problem with it for some time, but like yesterday (Wed) ... well, i asked him to BE online some time ... and well he came about 1800 (whole day - he has winter holidays now - even though he KNEW _I_ didnt have time because i have to study history) and after 20mins (we barely managed to exchange a couple of sentences- figuratively speaking of course*Gg*- let alone managing to set up the meeting the following day which was the sole purpose of his being online...) he was like "ooh, no, my sister is coming.. i know you hate to hear it" and i was like WHAT!? I mean CANT he hold his fucking sister for some time ... ?!!? seeing that she had already spent most of that day in front of the computer ANYWAY.. well i got pissed off and all, so he went offline and i tried to read history for a bit and then about 2230 i sent him an sms saying that seeing as he doesnt have time for me, i expect him on Thu at this and this time. he replied saying that he's sorry and that he's online so i logged on and we talked for some time and then i went to watch South park 8 XP... um.yeah.
so the thing i want to talk to him about... you see... well plainly speaking i think i'm getting too little attention. like, i'd try to understand if we had been a married couple for 35 yrs, but COME ON!!! we've been together for a MONTH! and i havent even got any flowers!!! my point here is - he should show that does care for me, he should be courting me, indeed.. dont you think??? so ok, screw the flowers for the time being but you see... he only calls me if i ask him to. sometimes(rarely) he sends sms's to tell me sth that just happened at school or something but i never ever got anything like "I miss you" ... or something similar. i dont even remember him IMING ME without a good reason - just to talk to me... I IM him very often (nothing too special - links, articles, other stuff) and he even barely replies to that. i dont know, do i expect too much?? I mean.. i would probably die and/or change into a floating cloud if he came with some flowers.. or even one tiniest flower... one day... DOESNT HE KNOW THAT????? doesnt he WATCH MOVIES????? I understand that i need to tell him things i dont like about his behaviour, for example, and... well things generally, because he doesnt know me that well so he cant know what i like and what i dont... BUT COME ON???? AM i supposed to actually instruct him to COURT me?!!? I would TRY to understand it if we were what, 13 yrs old but not 20 for gods fucking sake!!!
so besically it seems to me like this: ok, he GENERALLY is in touch with me when i tell him expressis verbis that i WANT HIM TO, then he comes to meet me - or i do - gets his *ahm* part and then goes home...and then he may forget about me....and everything... :\ you know, i suppose his only saying things like "sweetie" or"baby" because i actually told him women NEED IT SAID TO THEM... which is obviously true but EXCUSE ME??? am i his teacher on "how-to-live" course or fucking what???
he once said he's accustomed to the fact that I always say aloud what i need ... so he doesnt need to think by himself.. the second part was half-jokingly.. but only half...
i guess a thing like checking up my schedule (which is only a couple of clicks away on his comp) and surprising me one day - just coming to see me ... just because.. - woudnt cross his mind in another millennium...
:(
|12:09 a.m. CET|
Saturday, January 15, 2005
♫
im leaving for the prom in a sec.. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah *dies*
|05:48 p.m. CET|
Friday, January 14, 2005
♫ A Ja Nie/Metro -the Musical
eeeeeesh.
|12:12 a.m. CET|
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
♫ Epitaph/King Crimson
Today (not yesterday, as the calendar says- i was too lazy to update, sorry) was the first rehersal for the prom. Cause I dont think I mentioned-- Konrad invited me to his prom back in the beginning of Dec (?) ... when we werent together yet.. and well, I said yes... but it was only because of him ... because in general i find the idea of the prom revolting (I havent been to my OWN one so...), not to mention the fact that there will be some 600 or 700 people from which I know... well, after today's rehearsal I know like 5 XP.. So as you can see in the calendar, the prom is on Saturday and I'm positively mortally terrified. K., on the other hand, says that he doesnt know WHY I'm so terrified because I seem to him as a brave person and one who doesnt care about others' opinion etc etc.. which is true generally speaking...;) but uh.. its the PROM... *dies*
So anyway - the rehersals are there because its a tradition that at the beginning of the ball you dance polonaise. They've been having a lot of rehearsals at school but today was the first "extrascholar" one (in the evening so that partners who dont go to school with them could FINALLY come and rehearse XP. Well.. I dont do dancing a lot, you know :P but well... it wasnt THAT bad. Apart from that we made a couple of mistakes... but i guess it could've been worse.
tomorrow I'm meeting Kamila in the afternoon-we're going shopping, a.o. to buy some necklace and a bracelet for me to match my prom dress ><;; and then there's another rehearsal in the evening...
|11:57 p.m. CET|
Monday, January 10, 2005
♫ Jest taki samotny dom/Budka Suflera
Blah... I dont want to go to sleep... but if I start reading HP now, I wont be done at 0100.. and I really have to try and fall asleep NOW cause for the most of the week my sleeping pattern was 0200-1200 XP...and tomorrow I must get up at 0600... blahness... lets hope i manage to fall asleep soon..
my parents managed to make me angry yet again. ://
|12:28 a.m. CET|
Sunday, January 9, 2005
♫ Am Ende/Die Toten Hosen--->
Erst wenn es zu Ende ist, sehen wir, dass es keine Ziele gibt,
und dass so vieles, das wir tun, Zeitverschwendung ist.
Erst wenn das Ende kommt, werden uns die Fehler klar,
die jeder Mensch im Lauf der Zeit immer wieder macht.
Was willst du behalten außer Deiner Erinnerung?
Sie wird das Allerletzte sein, was du noch geben kannst.
Erst wenn wir das Ende sehen, beginnen wir zu verstehen,
worum es eigentlich für uns im Leben geht.
Wenn vor uns das Ende liegt und wir alleine sind,
erkennen wir für uns das Glück, das wir sonst nie sehen.
Wie ein Netz wirft sich der Regen über das ganze Land,
klopft an unser Fenster und erinnert uns daran,
dass es kein Leben ohne Schmerz gibt, ohne Suche nach dem Sinn,
keine Chance etwas aufzuhalten, keine Chance etwas zurückzudrehen.
Erst wenn es zu Ende ist, sehen wir, dass es keine Ziele gibt,
und dass das meiste, was wir tun, Zeitverschwendung ist...
|08:08 p.m. CET|
Sunday, January 9, 2005
♫ Happy Birthday/The Birthday Massacre
WTF!??!?!!? I wrote a nice entry and it JUST DISAPPAERED..?!? WHERE is my entry????????? grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
check out the calendar, its updated.
|12:55 a.m. CET|
Monday, January 3, 2005
♫ Nightwish
blahness. school tomorrow. x.x;... but I'm skipping history lecture as well as two last classes...XP and Konrad is coming to the Sprachwissenschaft lecture..teheeee*_*
|01:10 a.m. CET|
Saturday, January 1, 2005
♫
i'm wondering.. what can you be doing at this hour.... at this day.. when the "party"'s over...? and you dont wanna sleep...?
hey..maybe..its time for an update....huh? for THE update...
so the update is on Konrad. *firmnod* well... *tries to remmeber what was their relation when last mentioned* anyway, well, we've been together now for like... MAN I cant even say exactly but lets say 2 weeks.*g* cause yeah..the other day we decided we wanted to stay in this "undefined" relation for a while, like, not friends but not a couple either.. and then we started behaving more and more like a couple.. ;) and now..yeah.. its all so weird to me you know... having a boyfriend...X| somebody who calls me his "sweet".... and says that i have a lovely smile.... sometimes i have these moments when i think again...that soon it will all fall to pieces..when I do something wrong... which he wont like .. and then he will leave me.. remember thats why i didnt want to engage at the beginning..i'm afraid of being hurt again.... so sometimes when i think these things... i get really scared....i get terrified.. and i realize that it would be terrible for me ..if he hurt me.. and left me....You see its so weird cause I have it encoded in my brain - "nothing lasts forever and this will not, either"....I suppose you shouldnt begin anything - i mean relationship-if you feel that way.. recently I was also asked If I'm in Love... on one hand i dont feel like running around and calling "omg i'm sooo in love with him *_*" but on the other hand.... well i actually miss him already when he's not in the same room with me... and he's so cute and wonderful...and everything.... *_* hah *sighs* ..... and uh....coming back...lets not think things such as "its not gonna last"... cause it doesnt make sense... but you see people say things like "we're made for each other", "we belong togther" "I will never ever leave you" (I mean coupled ppl say those in general, not about US:P) ..... and well on one hand I feel like this a bit but .... my "reason" tells me its rubbish... cause you cant say that if you're not sure that in what, 6 months or 6 years, this relationship wont function anymore....
but let us quit with this.... the most important is.. we are together.... and i cant believe that i was so lucky as to meet him .... and that he likes ..fancies me .... well to tell you in secret..i dont think i'm worth him..you know..he;s not perfect, obviously.. but still.. i'm even less perfect*ggg* ...... but yeah lets concentrateon the good and happy thing... which is US for the time being.. XDDDD
<3 ^^;;;
|04:20 a.m. CET|
Saturday, January 1, 2005
♫ ...
OMG I hate my parents right now I hate them i hate them i HATE THEM SO MUCH ....SO MUCH that i'd like to throw up and cry until i dont know where i am and fall asleep ..... and i dont want to see them ever again....i haaaaaaateeeeeeeeeeee them... please let me fall asleep.... ........
happy new year, btw.
|03:43 a.m. CET|
Thursday, December 30, 2004
♫ My My - Hey Hey/Negative
OK! I'm slightly bored and have nothing better to do..therefore...
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
went to a Die Toten Hosen concert and ....not telling XD
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i didnt do any and not going to.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
not that i know of ;P
4. Did anyone close to you die?
no.
5. What countries did you visit?
Germany *drool*
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
errrr. *thinks* TIME when I absolutely dont have to think about things I HAVE to do, only my own pleasure... ^^
7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
well..there were a lot of great/worth remembrance events during the year... Oct 3, met Konrad, Nov 25-26...HOSEN!! XDD
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
*evilgrin* passing DAF test and passing university entrance exams.
9. What was your biggest failure?
none.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
early stages of depression.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Hosen new album, clothes I bought throughtout the year.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
*blinks*
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Tiger's :P aaand...dont remember...Irena perhaps XP
14. Where did most of your money go?
COSMETICS COSMETICS COSMETICS...clothes...
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
*rollseyes* Hosen gigs. Konrad. volleyball in teh summer. nordic combined. Hamburg. :eek:
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
what? 2003? lets assume its 2004 XP. errr...I dunno. XP
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder? MUCH happier.
b. thinner or fatter? thinner omgomgomg
c. richer or poorer? i think richer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
gone to Germany? XD
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
worrying about school,i suppose,...but as regretting isnt exactly my cup of tea..(or how do you say it? XP)
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
spent them in the usual way - home + grandparents + parents. XP
21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2003?
2004, you mean? er.cant recall anything.
22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
well......I suppose i HAVE....
23. How many one-night stands?
none.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Przeswietlenie on TVN24 XP
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
unfortunately. a certain lady called P. :#
26. What was the best book you read?
Hmh. the thriller by Alex Kava *ggggg* well..cant remember..
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
did i start to listen to X Japan this year?
28. What did you want and get?
graduation, place at the university, Tanz der Vampire....and many more
29. What did you want and not get?
urgh.=S
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
omggggg I dunnoooo....Shrek 2? XP
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
19, and I was in Gdansk on a HOOOOOOSEEEEEEN CONCERT
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
errrrr.. omg I dunno!! I think ths quiz states clearly that my life this year was one great success and paradise... *lol* I really dunno if there could've been something better than ....all the things that happened to me this year...
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
2003? XP well...BLACK. and DARK. and gothic-ish. i guess.
34. What kept you sane?
FRIENDS <33
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
SAMPPA*_* Hannu...as well as other guysXP
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
our entry to the EU, "orange revolution" in the Ukraine
37. Who did you miss?
friends.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
mr K :> and a couple of other people...*yes*
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
xPPP ..well.. dunno *hides*
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"cause someday... yeah, in time... things will go my way..."
|10:56 p.m. CET|
Friday, December 24, 2004
♫ finnish carols continued
So.. not many people are online (well, uh, STRANGE ;P) so I'll write something... christmas depression has almost got me but I'm OK at the moment... my grandparents are coming in exactly 80 mins XP I wonder if I'm going to get this psychology book I asked for back then... ;) and I wonder when K. is going to call 'cause he promised to do so.. but he's doing two Xmas visits today so dunno when he's gonna have time. I miss him :/ anyway...
*glances around at her room* geez I didnt even clean up.. well I did some cleaning up yesterday but of the whole house and not my room *gg* well...doesnt really matter..
I'm so glad for the present I bought my parents - this book. We read the first book by this author some time ago and it was thrilling!!! So I thought, hey, I dont have any better idea (nor money :((() and anyway they will like such a good read. XD And actually yesterday my mother was like "omg i dont have aaaaaaanything to reeeeeead *complain*" and I was like "^_^" heheh...And I hope they read it soon so that I'll be able to read it :D
on a slightly different note... blah. Holiday time = studying time. We have the damn german descriptive grammar test on Jan 04, un/trennbare verben on Jan 10, semester test in german phonetics Jan 11, and I suppose I must begin studying for English history exam NOW If I want to try and make it - the exam takes place Jan 24. :eeeeek:
|03:40 p.m. CET|
Friday, December 24, 2004
♫ O Juhlayö
Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!! *hug&glomp*
and I WILL try to make a decent update soon....*hides*
|03:22 p.m. CET|
Thursday, December 16, 2004
♫
*zzzzzzZzzzZzzzzzzZzzz* (no, i havent gone to sleep yet..but i will in a sec XP)
|12:30 a.m. CET|
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
♫ Friss oder Stirb/Die Toten Hosen
geeeeeez i'm so exhausted.......
on Fri theres a test in phonology ;( so tomorrow Im gonna try and study for it... zzzz.... :\
|11:25 p.m. CET|
Monday, December 13, 2004
♫ Voltooid verleden tijd/IsOokSchitterend
Eeek. I think I promised an update...some..time ago.
Now I should be going to sleep - which i will do in a sec - and anyway i'm way too tired and too annoyed (refer to my lj for the time being)...blah!! Hopefully I will fall asleep soon. g'night.
|11:56 p.m. CET|
Friday, December 10, 2004
♫ Fleeting/Deine Lakaien
blarhgh. I'm ...disappointed.
I hope this day ends soon.
|10:56 p.m. CET|
Thursday, December 9, 2004
♫ Gott ist tot/Tanz der Vampire
omg. I'm SOOO tired!! and i have a headache. XP First i met up with kamila in Lublin - i got a belated birthday present- CHOCOLATE CANDLES! :eek: I wonder if they smell like chocolate? (didnt unpack them yet)... then we had extra translation classes (for the ones we missed last week), part of which we had to spend in the corridor (ahm, welcome to the underfunded polish universities) ;> and then I went to konrad's and came back from his place about 2300.. *zzz* ...
tomorrow there's a test in english. xP :///
|11:30 p.m. CET|
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
♫ Ostatni Skaut/Farben Lehre
Blahness. We had a test yestrday (er.. I think so.. i cant remmeber anymore), we had one today and we're having a test in italian tomorrow.. and its bringing me down cause we're having such simple things and I'm just SOO exhausted that I dont see how I'm supposed to learn it.. well I remember things.. but do i remember them well enough to write the test ..? and failing such easy things... sucks... :/
at least I'm meeting Konrad tomorrow (as usual) after school... i wish he came online.. or maybe not.. :S If he's not online he is probably (hopefully) studying, so....
|08:34 p.m. CET|
Sunday, December 5, 2004
♫ Und wir tanzten/ASP
song time!
Die Toten Hosen
Alles wird vorübergehen
Manchmal läuft es wie im Märchen,
wo's immer gut ausgeht,
wo alles eine Fügung hat
und man von Schicksal spricht.
Und weil du gerade glücklich bist,
glaubst du ans Happy End.
Es ist schön, wenn du sagst, dass du mich liebst,
auch wenn ich dabei denk:
Alles wird vorübergehen.
Du denkst, dass du ewig lebst,
dass du hier sicher bist,
mit all den vielen netten Freunden,
den lieben Menschen um dich.
Wenn der Boden unter deinen Füßen bricht,
gibt's keinen Haltegriff.
Ob du loslässt oder ob du kämpfst,
es reißt dich einfach mit.
Alles wird vorübergehen.
Die gute und die schwere Zeit -
nichts bleibt jemals stehen.
Eine Hand voll Glück reicht nie für zwei,
man muss nehmen, was man kriegt.
Ich hab keine Angst zu sterben,
solange du bei mir bist,
doch halt dich nicht an meiner Liebe fest.
it's a song from the new album ..a kinda ballad.. and as you see it's very sad :( but true as well....I had tears in my eyes when they played it on the concerts.... *sighs*
|12:55 a.m. CET|
Saturday, December 4, 2004
♫ Deutschland einig Zombieland/Heiter bis Wolkig
OK... I know i havent updated in a WHILE... I was so lazy.. but I have things to write here... ahm.. *hides*
well maybe lets start with some concretes :P Uni is ...well, fine, although in the beginning of the week I was really down because of it..Now it's alright..But well, we have to study a lot :P and some things (like english "descriptive grammar" - well its actually phonetics and phonology only and it doesnt seem that its gonna CHANGE in teh near future) are really incomprehensible for me :( and we're having a lot of tests at the moment... we're repeating the Rektion test on Mon and I really hope we aint gonna fail this time.. :/ Also we're having first Italian test on Wed, so maybe I finally sit up for it a bit and actually learn sth ^^ yeah... and the week after next o_O its gonna be awful.. tests from both translation classes (both english and german) and sth else I think as well :P :/ eek... And the problem is I'm really so lazy for example I could've done a lot of things on Thu cause I have free... but I didnt :/ yesterday and today I was kinda busy (well, today i did sth- a very little bit) so there's only tomorrow and usually I have to do all the things for first 3 days during the weekend cause its just impossible to do anything on mOnday or Tuesday evening *is terribly tired* :... ahwell...
|10:46 p.m. CET|
Sunday, November 28, 2004
♫ Ich bin die Sehnsucht in Dir/Die Toten Hosen
OMG XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD THE CONCERTS WERE SOOOOOOOOO GREAT!!!! everything was just FANTASTIC!!!!!! *jumps up and down* *is speechless*
|11:37 p.m. CET|
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
♫ Magia/Farben Lehre
Soooo.. tomorrow at 0510 AM I'm off to Warsaw!!!!! YAY!!!!! I'm going to see DTH live!!!!!!!!! *dies*
*waves*
|08:40 p.m. CET|
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
♫ Farben Lehre
um, just one thing - I finally know why everyone failed the last german test.
you had to obtain 70% of it in order to pass.
:|
|12:36 a.m. CET|
Sunday, November 21, 2004
♫ Apulanta
so, um, i noticed i havent updated in a while, somehow.. cant remember what i've been doing this week that i didnt write anything, lol.probably being lazy *nods*.
so anyway.. tomorrow is the much-feared konjunktiv II test in german and i tried to study for it but uh.. I dont know if i learnt anything.. :( i mentioned to you that everybody has failed the last test in this particular german class... i dont wanna fail again... :/
well on a better note I did the whole (hopefully) h/w for the next week (well for one i always do or at least try cause i dont have time to do it on mondays or tue and as I'm leaving for the three days for the Hosen, i guess I'll have to study for the week-after-the-next sometime in the meantime...) ... didnt take long... which was good.. I mean well i was soooo lazy during the whole day and i was just delaying it all and then all in all it took me like 2.5-3 hrs, translating, descriptive grammar and other things.. :S
I also havent mentioned that we got completely snowed-up on Fri! well in the weather forecast they said SOMETHING about snow but the downfall was just incredible - 25-30 cm or more in one day... and well... you could just see how the country(maybe excl. Warsaw) is unprepared for such "SURPRISES" as a lot of snow in the beginning of winter... *rollseyes* nah but seriously.. for example Alicja was trying to get from Gdansk to Olsztyn which usually takes 3 hrs... she left Gdansk at 1700 and got to O. about 0300 (yes, AM) because the train went "down" or how shall i put it.. :| can you believe it?? also Lublin got completely paralyzed, i can tell you - at some point the town busses just stopped going (well there was no point because even if they managed to start up they would get stuck at the first "hill"), people had no electricity, konrad for his side had no net connection :|... (at our place luckily everything was alright besides that we didnt have running water..for about 10 mins ;P)..the mobile net went so totally down that you couldnt call ANYBODY because it said "the person you're trying to call is currently unavailable" or such.. :/ so as you can see, unexpected [well, it was, but still - its NOVEMBER and not AUGUST :P] snow in Poland=very big problems
blahblah anyway. at first i was a bit afraid that it would disturb my Hosen-trip but well even if it snows more I hope the situation will be under control until Thursday morning... o_O
|11:43 p.m. CET|
Monday, November 15, 2004
♫ Und wir tanzten/ASP
good thing that happened today: Konrad said I looked "very pretty" with my new haircut and -colour. YAY...!!!!!!!!!!
bad thing: we (me & ewa) talked to him about how he should study for his graduation exams and whatnot and ahm... seeing that he's gonna spend the whole weekend on Falcon (fantasy convention) we're not gonna see each other anymore this week cause he said he's got a couple things like tests etc he must take care of... I mean... well... as long as he really IS going to STUDY, I'll live somehow.. but still.. *is sad*
on the other hand, next monday we have a Konjunktiv II test and its gonna be very difficult... so knowing he wont be there anyway during the weekend.. maybe I'll be able to study some..
our german grammar prof also told us thst everybody failed the rektion/grundformen des verbes test which we had like 3 weeks ago (didnt study at all cause spent the whole weekend talking online to Konrad)... so we're gonna have a repetition some time soon. Hopefully it aint gonna be the 29th cause its the monday after the "DIE TOTEN HOSEN WEEK"... o_OO
|10:42 p.m. CET|
Sunday, November 14, 2004
♫ Butterfly-Dance/Diary of Dreams
So i found this 2nd hand CD shop in Berlin (rockers.de)and they have some interesting stock in intersting prices.... but shipping to Poland costs 15 EUR!!!!!!!!!!!! Do they fucking not know that POland is 100 km from them AND in the EU?!?!?!?!? how stupid is that? I also found another one with a more reasonable shipping price but they dont have as many interesting things... shit ://
|02:25 p.m. CET|
Sunday, November 14, 2004
♫ stimmen der nacht..
"I know, its not daytime, and he's not asleep!"
|04:09 a.m. CET|
Friday, November 12, 2004
♫ Chce byc Kopciuszkiem/Metro the Musical
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
I'm going to the DIE TOTEN HOSEN concert in GDANSK!!!!!!!!! wow.... I cant believe it! and its all because of Konrad cause he told me to move my a$$ and tell my parents I had to go there.. so i did and they agreed!!!!!!!!! XD XD XD XD XD
|12:37 a.m. CET|
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
♫ Voltooid verleden tijd/IsOokSchitterend
So I met up with Konrad today and well it was alright ^^. I still feel a little awkward about all this but only a little. I must say he seemed to be very relieved by my reaction in the first place, well I suppose hadnt i felt that way about it (ie. reluctant to engage in some actual relationship with him) it wouldnt've been so easy.. (well its obvious)... and well it seems as if its just gonna be an episode between us which just WAS there and thats all..
only thing that seems to be really bothering me is that well.. that mail of his was SO SAD. I mean, of course saying things like "i thought i felt something but i fooled myself, i lied to us both" etc are bound to be sad, arent they, but he also wrote (well I suppose I already mentioned that yesterday) that he wanted to escape loneliness and such... well I told him today that this all was very sad and it moved me a lot, but he was only like "um... yeah.. well.. somehow.." and didnt want to continue the topic ;P well he just is like that.. :S also today it just struck me as a thought (nothing really inventive..) and I was like "well... I think you could have every girl!" or sth like this and he was like this cute smile of his and "ahm... ok lets not talk about it.." While hes a very good listener he just cant talk about his feelings somehow and its even a bit suprising he could say so clearly what he meant in the mail... well i can see why he had to write it and couldnt say it face to face.. anywayz what I'm trying to voice is that I'm...well you could say worried about him, i mean I dont want him to be "sad" or stuff ... but if he doesnt talk about what he feels... *sighs* hope you know what i mean.. ;S
at any rate, on Thu me, him and Clov are going together to see Bridget Jones 2 XDDD I know, I thought he wouldnt like to see it so i told him instantly that we were going to see it but that i thought he wouldnt like it, and he was like "well, um, why not" and than i was like "well.. do you WANT to go or not?" and he was like ".. YES" so he's going.. maybe after I surprised him with my reaction (ie no crying, NO SWEARING which is recently my habit or such) he wants to go see Bridget so that he knows more about women. *ggg* And after the pictures we (that is me & him) are supposed to go to his place cause he has a test in German next week (forms of verbs in Imperfekt *rolls eyes* and hes in the last grade! seriously....) so I told him I would test him before it *evil* and I will! ^^
|12:31 a.m. CET|
Tuesday, November 9, 2004
♫ Follow You Down/Gin Blossoms
just remembered that i havent updated the calendar yet.. so there you are. Can you imagine I havent told my parents yet that I MUST GO TO GDANSK to see DTH (I think I already mentioned that the tickets for Warsaw are already booked) ;/? Maaaaaaaaaaaaaan i do so hope they let me go... grrrr pity that i dont live by myself... :( then I could just GO :(
|10:27 p.m. CET|
Tuesday, November 9, 2004
♫
So i talked to konrad an hour ago and i think everything's gonna be alright. I mean... well, as alicja said: couldnt've been anything great if you got over it so quickly - and well, of course it wasnt this or anything... really i think the worst thing in it all is that i could finally think someone liked me, in a like LIKE way, you know... but this certainly isnt something you build a relationship on! so i told him i care about his friendship and that i'd like to meet up with him cause i wanna tell him a couple of things (i just feel like telling him how I feel about this all) and so we're meeting tomorrow [today actually]. I do think everythings gonna work out pretty well between us. And I'm so happy that we'll apparently be able to preserve our friendship or this something which is developing into friendship.. :)
on another note: i think tomorrow I'm telling Natalia that I got the cell phone. You see ..shes teh biggest mobile addict i know... but well, some day i'll have to tell her! i thought it'd be today but due to certain reasons i was a bit out of my element :P and then I just didnt feel like it.. and its a HUGE thing mind you... ^^
|12:02 a.m. CET|
Monday, November 8, 2004
♫ ;(
so, um... i just got an email from Konrad.. saying that he thought he felt something for me but he was wrong... and that he really thought that something would become of us... but he just wanted to escape loneliness and such. I'm very very sad and well havent cried yet but i suppose i will.. well.. it really seemed as if we were going to be together or something like this... and i was already so happy that at last there was someone who really, well, fancied me etc... Ahh.. its hard to say everything i'd like to say now in an orderly manner... so well, I'm really sorry that he doesnt "want anything from me" and all that because i felt really good with him and his being there made me feel very good... and well somehow it was just what i wanted - we werent TOGETHER, but we were a little bit more than friends, hugging, holding hands and such. and I liked that, because that was just what i needed. Yeah, I know it doesnt sound really fair from my side.... but thats how it was. So i'm gonna miss that for sure. He said he thinks we understand each other really well and he wants us to be friends.. I know it sounds trivial but I do hope it will be so. maybe we should take a little break in the beginning, or maybe not, suppose the situation would be a bit awkward, but anyway - that was basically what i was afraid of - that if we get together somehow, then we will break up at some point and wont see each other again. and i have really FRIENDSHIP in higher esteem than love *nods*.
well, as i said, i'm really very sad at the moment, but I know its gonna be better for the both of us. And as there wasnt anything very special between us... well, I hope we'll soon be able to act as normal friends.. you know? I'm gonna miss the thing that had been between us for these ..ahem.. two weeks ;P but its just better.
|08:40 p.m. CET|
Wednesday, November 3, 2004
♫
aaaaaaaaaaall right....
so i spent another day with Konrad (well, half of the day ;P) - we were in the cinema and then in a bar... and I'm telling you, I do NOT like it. well.. how shall i say it ;P when we came to the cinema and sat down, i laid my head on his shoulder, and then after a while he put his arm around me (yes i KNOW it sounds kinda kitschig :P but dont mind it for a sec) and actually thats how we quasi spent the rest of the day :S I mean, then we went and took a little walk around the old town, holding hands, and then we sat in teh bar like this.. and all teh stuff. eek. and, i dont know... well, there are some people who act really friendly towards their friends, you know what i mean, but uh-huh... i think it might lead to something ..and here begins my problem. he's cuuuute and i like him a LOT (otherwise i wouldnt make such things like this happen, or would i)... but still.. i dont wanna get engaged in anything, you know? cause I'm afraid and i think it wont lead to anything more than troubles. *firm nod* and if it DOESNT lead to trouble - well, AHEM *waves her hand* - Im leaving for Germany in a year (if we want to think long terms) and this is something which is GOING to happen and well.. I know i'm maybe thinking too far away, but i'm trying to take everything into account.. and well, such a long-distance relationship would more or less suck, wouldnt it? so anyway.... I dont know. nothing has happened as such and we havent talked about it at all ... so just kinda holding hands and stuff... but you can well think it MIGhT lead to something, or mightnt it? :SS Yeah.. so I dont really want it, but i'm also not doing a damn thing to stop it... ; Can somebody please kill me? :|
Well.. the problem is also, i have no experience in "such" things.. but on the other hand, i suppose relationships are not like one another, so any gained experience wouldnt be MUCH of help, would it? my god, do i hate having trouble with MEN, or what... ;/
and, well, up till saturday when we saw each other last, well i knew i LIKE him, but i was rather convinced that he doesnt consider me anything other than a friend.. which he sure still does, but it really seems as if there was more to it... blah....!!!!
and you might think strange that me, a person who likes to know everything plainly and clearly, especially in such matters, actually doesnt want to talk about IT, feelings etc. cause that way nothing's said.. you know? i know, its awful, escapism (?) and stuff.. :(
ok, i've already made this entry chaotic enough, i suppose i could say a bit more but it would be even more messy then.. so i guess i'll leave it here.
will keep you informed on whats up with teh two of us. o_O
|11:11 p.m. CET|
Tuesday, November 2, 2004
♫ Don't Cry/Guns N Roses
DOOMSDAY HAS OFFICIALLY COME!!! In other words... i have my own cell phone. *dies and is dead* :|
|08:43 p.m. CET|
Sunday, October 31, 2004
♫ Jeanny/Falco
eek. nobody's online... well OK Konrad isnt online... :/ and I'm too lazy to do anything like studying.. : although i should.. eek
well today was really fun. first i met with Dori and we had some fun talking about.. various things ^^ and then we went to meet Konrad and all went to Dori's bus stop... for which we had to wait 40 mins so we took a small walk... then Dori went off and we went into the park... and well we were sitting on a bench laughing about sth when this guy came - he was a kind of a tramp, not really clean, a bit tipsy and with a guitar on his back - and he was like, hi, i saw you two were laughing, so i thought i'd like to talk to somebody who's laughing and having a good time.. I think Konrad was kinda afraid at the beginning, i for that matter was rather irritated... although i was like :| when the guy told me i was 19 and then he turned to Konrad and was like "...and you're a BIT younger" (konrad is actually 2 months younger than me....) well anyway i think the guy talked to us - or rather to konrad ("i have some rules, i aint talking down to women..") which i found kinda relieving cause i didnt have to talk to him.. so anyway he talked to us about 20 or 30 mins and i was really getting impatient because he was already leaving and then he'd come back again.. but eventually he left us... (telling us to "make a lot of children because there's only 10% of us, blue-eyed people, in the world", so i was like, which "us" do you mean [konrad is significantly - at least for me - green-eyed] and he told me i had blue-greenish eyes.. which i didnt like cause i like to say my eyes are GREEN BECAUSE THEY ARE *grr*...) and for a while we kinda didnt know what to say or do he left us so confused somehow. *blinks* so anyhow later on when it started getting cold we went to eat sth and finished our wednesday discussion about religion and stuff.. yeah and later we actually planned to change the place but i said that we might take a little walk through the old town and first we sat on the "new ruins" (they were built like 2 yrs ago, to visualize the foundations of a church which was there once - now they attract quite a lot of people cause its a good outlook point) and then we went to sit in the whereabouts of the castle and sat there for like 3 hours.. eventually we had to warm each other up cause it was getting a BIT cold o_O ..but it was nice *gg* =] so i finally went home by my last bus at 2200... ^^
pity that he hasnt been online today as of yet, and later i wanna see vampire movies on Ale Kino... :/
|05:47 p.m. CET|
Saturday, October 30, 2004
♫
uhuhu. *is gonna have a busy day tomorrow* - I'm meeting Dori at 1100 (*has to get up really early because of that* XP) and then Konrad at 1400. well.. i hope to stay in Lublin untill evening ^^ ;]
|12:48 a.m. CET|
Friday, October 29, 2004
♫ Der Mond, Der Kühlschrank und Ich/Die Toten Hosen
guess what! i called Daria and she will go with me to the Hosen concert in Warsaw!!! (well she will because Farben Lehre is supporting band *gg* but ayway!) I'm so glad she's going with me :D :D :D and I already booked the tickets for us!!! omg i'm so happy.. I only hope my parents let me go to Gdansk!!! *ganz fest hoff* please cross your fingers for me please do!!!!
|07:32 p.m. CET|
Thursday, October 28, 2004
♫ Der Himmel über Berlin/Virginia Jetzt
eek. i'm bored. -.-....
i purchased a large and expensive italian dictionary and now my parents are angry about it.. they mean that its not gonna be useful for me because its so large :\
|06:58 p.m. CET|
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
♫ Zurück zum Glück/Die Toten Hosen
*has died and is in punk heaven right now* I CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!! GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!! DIE TOTEN HOSEN ARE COMING TO POLAND!!!! IN A MONTH!!! ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! they are gonna play three concerts (Warsaw, Gdansk, Rzeszow) and I actually want to go to Warsaw AND Gdansk!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE TOTEN HOSEN!!!!!!!!!! IN POLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *can hardly say anything* AND In warsaw their support will be a polish punk group Farben Lehre which is an absolutely cool band!!!!! *dies*
|11:59 p.m. CET|
Monday, October 25, 2004
♫ Du Musst Dahin, Wo's Weh Tut/Virginia Jetzt!
today was really tiring (well, what would you think if you'd have to sit at the uni from 0800 till 1900 :\) but also nice. ^^ in the morning in the history lecture i did german grammar homework (its a good thing - i dont have to do so much at home and i am not bored during the lecture..), then we had german grammar and discursive.. things, so in grammar we had this test... since i didnt study for it at all, i certainly dont have everything right, but anyway i was finished with it like half an hour before people were starting to finish it, somehow.. and then well Konrad came and he went with us to the lecture and he really liked it (i was like "yay" cause well i couldnt've been exactly sure that he'd like it.. but he did! ^^) and then he walked with us over to the translation thing and went home.. and thn we had translation which was fun (though less fun than last time) and then boring english things where we had to sit in a room with some fresh paint odour and my head didnt like it :\ ...
so tomorrow in fonetics i am supposed to talk about myself (for min. 5 minutes!! *blinks*) so I'm taking pics of Cyfra teh dog and some pics from the exchanges with Bielefeld *nods* ... heh...
|08:56 p.m. CET|
Sunday, October 24, 2004
♫ Eerste Lief/Guus Meeuwis & Vagant
eek. today i was supposed to succesfully continue learning from yesterday... ahm... i only managed to get up at 1130, and then it took a long time to shower, breakfast and whatnot.. and then i sat at the computer... because i was too lazy to do anything... and then after the dinner i really wanted to study but unfortunately my parents put the tv on the volleyball match between AZS Olsztyn and Jastrzebski Wegiel - i didnt want to see the match because i wanted to study but since i already watched the beginning, and i havent seen a volleyball match on tv in some time... : well so it took over 2 hrs and then Konrad was online (its a guy i got to know recently online, he lives in lublin and we already met up - in fact we went together to the movies. he's really nice and all...) and i only wanted to talk for a bit and then go revise sth at least but we ended up talking for four hrs ... in the meantime Marcin arrived (hes another cool guy i met online for some reason in the summer) so i had a really good time chatting and whatnot and then did two exercises in a hurry, watched hellsing and took a long shower and here i am, having done as much as nothing over the whole day... *blinks* -.- the thing is tomorrow we have this test in German (rektion + grundformen des verbes)... i really should've revised more.. but as you can see it wasnt possible.. but I'm really glad i did all the crucial things, like, our piles of h/w, yesterday... ^^
also tomorrow Konrad is coming to meet us (his school - he's a year younger than me - is like 3 mins from the university) in our pause and then he's supposed to go with us to the Sprachwissenschaft lecture (HOW do you say Sprachwissenschaft in english!?!)... ^_^
|11:59 p.m. CET|
Sunday, October 24, 2004
♫ Through the Barricades/Spandau Ballet
eeek. my head aches -.-...
so i wrote peter.. finally. hopefully he answers soon!! o_0
|12:29 a.m. CET|
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
♫ Na strunach szyn/Metro - The Musical
i'm so happy that peter finally wrote me^^ i would've replied him straight away but that would take another hour and i really should've gone to sleep at like 2200 and not midnight :P and anyway he's probably gonna check his mail again in like 2 or 3 weeks XPP so no need to hurry *ggg*
|11:41 p.m. CET|
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
♫
yayness!!!! *herumtänzel* peter hat sich endlich gemeldet!! ^______________^;;;
....
*falls asleep on teh keyboard* o_O
|10:45 p.m. CET|
Sunday, October 17, 2004
♫
3 players of the local volleyball club Avia Swidnik (1. league, B series) and the driver of their van died in a car crash today morning. They were coming back from a match. Another player is in critical state and the rest (4 others) are injured. Avia will probably discontinue playin g matches this season.
:( :(
|09:47 p.m. CET|
Sunday, October 17, 2004
♫ Voltooid verleden tijd/IsOokSchitterend
Every now and then,
I get a little bit lonely,
and I don’t know what I miss
Every now and then,
I get a little bit anxious,
and I wonder what it is I desire
Every now and then,
I get a little bit nervous
that the time of waiting will never end
Every now and then
I get a little bit terrified
and drawn by something I can’t withstand...
blah. i feel...weird. i dont like the way i feel and i wish i had somebody to talk to about it... my god, that is so awkward - i pride myself on having a lot of friends, and when it comes to the point - i say that i dont have anyone i could talk with. that sounds terribly wrong, doesnt it? but.. well... i cant talk about such delicate matters with everybody... and, zel isnt online, at least for ME, and i dunno whats going on, laura - well for one she has her own problems of such nature that i wouldnt think it appropriate to engage her in all this; and to which "delicate matters" am i referring to..? i dont know.. i've been kinda feeling lonely recently. like.. i wish i had somebody who would give me a tight hug... who wouldnt ask questions because they understand... and even if not, they would hug me and comfort me nonetheless... :S
i know it sounds weird and it sounds like "its time you got yourself a boyfriend" thing. well apart from that its not that easy XP..., well, *shrugs* i dont want a boyfriend. duh... i really dont. i dont know. *sobs*
maybe i'm scared. you know recently i read --i dont think i've mentioned it here-- that if you're sad for 2, 3, 4 weeks without a very good cause, well, that isnt SADNESS anymore, but you're on the verge of a real depression (the one that you actually go and have a treatment), if not alrady having it. so i'm pretty sure i was having something like this in the beginning of this year, maybe it didnt seem like it, i dont remember, but it was really awful. so recently i was feeling kinda weird and i'm scared of it... i dont want it to come back.
i'm so scared....
|01:25 a.m. CET|
Saturday, October 16, 2004
♫ Woorden zonder woorden/De Kant
just watched Hable con Ella and then The Life of David Gale. had a little movie night.. o_O i was already too tired of sitting in front of the comp especially that since i'm sick (did i mention?) i've been rather staying in bed which my laptop and my back didnt find comfortable, SOMEHOW.
anyhow, since i wasnt at the uni at all this week, i took time to read like hundreds of gravitation fanfics.. yes *nods head* o_O *is going slightly crazy* i even registered with an account in order to archive my favourite ones, so here it is if you wanna check the stories i liked - www.fanfiction.net/u/686462/ ^^
...
Zel.. where are you..????? :(
|01:12 a.m. CET|
Saturday, October 9, 2004
♫
blah. i've been doing some of my german homework but i've really only done a bit and i'm already so tired of it, blaargh!! ;| and i still have loads and loads to do, dont wanna leave it everything for tomorrow... -.- or for any other day of the next week for that matter.. =(
|03:46 p.m. CET|
Thursday, October 7, 2004
♫ and if you're taking a walk through the garden of life..
so, the time has come to write something about another issue which has been bothering me for some time now. damn issue. well, i'll try to keep it short, cause tomorrow i need to get up early and i still want to read some of the book i'm.. reading :P
well, the thing is about ... Max. yes *nods* remember him? the cute German who managed to make me so angry last year? yes.. well, its been bothering me actually since the Germans were here and its like constantly on my mind. well last year i was really mad with him cause he never answered my last mail while everything seemed to be going in the more or less right direction. but, uh, the time has gone by.. and well even though the facts seem to be quite clear i still cant quite believe (as well as anyone who knows him a bit) that he was really capable of doing sth like this.. :S (then again - what DO i actually know of him?) but well, i kinda assumed it was some great misunderstanding... and to tell you the truth, i really "talked myself" into this and i'm willing to believe it was some kind of misunderstanding. you see, i kinda think that it would be really awful if any chance for some friendship between us would be screwed up... y'know? cause assuming that it was all a misunderstanding or sth like and that he isnt a great bastard, well, then he's a really great person and i think it would be a great loss if there wasnt anything DONE in the way. -.- but then again... the most sucky part of it is that i have no idea what he thinks about me right now. you see, i emailed Peter for help but he never replied... well considering how often he checks his mail i can still wait soem time :P havent told him what it was all about, just that i need his advice. but well he hasnt replied and his damned brother hasnt replied either (he was supposed to give me some form of contact to peter OTHER than m@il. have i told you Peter is doing his civil service in Sankt Petersburg?)
so actually the situation kinda sucks because i'm really thinking about it all the time, but i dont really know what to do. (to fill you in, Max is in Aachen, studying medizin) Well for one i have his handy number so i might call him (if he still has the same one, that is..) but.. its a bit ( A BIT...) of a weird situation and i woldnt like to handle it on the phone... : well email is actually out of question here. at one point i hoped to go to Germany this year (like, december) but i fear that wont be possible. And seeing that, as much as i wouldnt like it, i wont be able to start studying in GER until WS 2005/06 - well, i dont know, it just would be so DUMB if i contacted Max two years after we last had any contat with each other and tried to "make up" in some way???
all this sucks really badly for me, i mean, i talked about it with Daniel for a bit ,when they were here, and he was like, "you maybe think it'd be weird if you contacted him after this or that time"and i was like "no, not really" -- but then again, would it be in like March or something, when I'd move, then it'd be still kinda alright for ME.. but later...
maybe i should call him, but WHAT would i say?!?
thats why I need Peters advice so much, from the people i know he knows max the best.. and i'm sure that with his advice it'd be simply much much easier to have a go at it, y'know?? *helpless look*
:(
|11:02 p.m. CET|
Monday, October 4, 2004
♫ The Reckoning/Ostara
Zzzzzzzzzzz *falls asleep on the keyboard* I"M SO TIRED!!!!!!!
|09:05 p.m. CET|
Friday, October 1, 2004
♫ Nur Einmal Noch/Rosenstolz
So today was opening ceremony of the academic (university..? ;S) year. MAN WAS THAT BORING!!! I am soooooo tired because of this. first it took over an hour to read everyone (we were together with a couple of other subjects like english, german philologies, Kulturwissenschaft (?), archaeology etc) and to seat them - well, us - in the student cinema [sic] hall... then we got our "student indexes" (its a very small book where you've got written down everything you've been doing through the studies, exams, marks, your address, if you got any help from the university, prizes and rebukes etc) which took like over 1.5 hr... *yawn and falls asleep* and then we went to another building for an organisational meeting of our subject. well my english teacher from high school was there ^^ its SUCH a pity he's not lecturing for the first-years.. cause I dont really think I'm gonna be here for the second year, you know.. but when i saw him it really kinda felt like home ^^ so anyway.. you are never going to believe what actually happened!! you see, apart from our two languages we also get to study another one for two years, but i was TOTALLY sure it wasnt going to happen for at least another two years. I wasnt really sorry about it as well because there are only four languages to choose from and these are French, Spanish (YUCK for these two!!!), Italian and Russian. You might know that these are not exactly my all-time favourite languages.. *rollseyes* And what happened?? At this meeting they told us to think for a while (while= approx 3. mins
and our rota isnt that bad, although Monday sucks really BAAAD. Like, we're starting at 0800, and we have 3 subjects until 1230, then at 1400 until 1845 we hve another 3 subjects... omg *dies* and during this break I cant even go home cause it'd take too much time.but ewa already said I'd be going to her place then :) Then well on Tue we have two subjects from 0800 till 1100 and then from 1230 until 1530... but these are only two very bad days, because then on Wed we only have the third language classes (1230-1400, we have it only once a week... well actually hopefully I AM going to learn something there :S), then on Thu only PE (1400-1530 - there's a possibility to change from "usual" PE to some sport section... I'd like to do this so I must do some research about it *hates PE sooooo much*, especially that if i stay here for the 2nd semester it'd be awful if i went to "usual" PE this would mean i'd have to go swimming cause thats what we do in the 2nd semester... I HATE SWIMMING POOLS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and on Fri we only have two subjects (0800-1100)...
so its like, well, hope I'm gonna live through Mondays somehow.. :S *sighs*
|09:14 p.m. CET|
Friday, October 1, 2004
♫ Sleepless Beauty (sacred beauty remix)/Gravitation
I dont think I ever mentioned that Polish edition of the online manga Megatokyo has been published recently??? well i bought it today! Yay!! *jumps up & down*
[x-posting]
|06:34 p.m. CET|
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
♫ dokonimo tomaranai...
So, its late at night and its tome for some serious entry. well there is a couple of issues that should be written about, but lets just start with something.
so... my "preparations" for moving to Germany to stdy are veeeeeery slowly advancing. in fact, i managed to send an application form to the Goettinger Stundentenwerk, applying for a ..you know.. student.. thing? Stundentenheim? man, my english's gotten so crappy rrecently. damn. anyway. of other things, i printed this and that and tried to call the German embassy but nobody picked up the phone. what i really should've done over the past week is have called the regional section of the National Health Fund (which is the organistion supposed to take care of the public health, um, yeah, like, RIgHT) cause i need to know exactly what i should do in order to obtain the E 111 form (its about the health insurance) ... but i was too lazy to do it for the past 10 days. :( In fact, no matter how i'd want it, it doesnt seem like I'll be able to move with the summer semester, especially because of financial reasons. : but thats not the issue bothering me.. well, it IS, but theres also something of a more... say, abstract nature.
namely, lets face the facts: I managed to pass very difficult exams for a very good subject with a very good result. as a matter of fact, there are only 4 universities in the country, incl us, which offer this subject, at least one of which doesnt really present anything of a COMPETITION to us. so that leaves three. In my language combination there are gonna be 16 people, and lets assume as many will also finish the studies. In Warsaw it will be a similar number, and in Bydgoszcz, i have NO idea, but certainly it wont be counting into THOUSANDS. so that leaves, what? VERY few, if you think of it, highly qualified people in that subject! I mean, like really, i know there ARE other people than us who are really perfect at languages, and not two or three, but five or seven languages... but that really dooesnt change the fact that those who will finish this actual subject at this university are really going to be some of the best qualified people in this country!
And what is my problem? My problem is that in spite of all of this, despite my putting such efforts in actually getting admitted there, i wanna leave it all and for what? For a university in a strange country, and with ABSOLUTELY NO WARRANTY of any education quality. I'm not really thinking about those damned studies here anymore, what i'm thinking is "well, in MARCH... Goettingen..." blahblah and so on. You know? I kinda realised this some time in the summer, when i was in Olsztyn. What if i DO NOT get to study IFK in Berlin? Will it be alright that i continue (provided i do) Skandinavistik in Goettingen, and FORGET english, because i might not be able to get an additional course in it?? and what if i DO manage it in Berlin and still their level will be way below mine? I mean, years of studying the language arent really something to be wasted, just BECAUSE Berlin and IFK are really the best possibility for me to do in Germany?
I must tell you, when I finally realised that my DAF-results allow me to study in Germany, on no additional cnditions, i got extremely happy, but in a minute i was totally scared. not to mention all the "organisational" issues,like, where am i gonna live? who will cook? I'll die!, but i had to ask myself: is it really something that i WANT? and i find it terrible that i really ASKED myself about it, after all these and all i did, directly or indirectly,in order to get to the point i am at now, that I really had to ask myself if i really wanted this!
On one hand, I said to myself: This is normal, this is totally normal, you've gotten this far and it'll be something so totally new and different that you absolutely have the right to be afraid! It doesnt really mean anything that you had some doubts all of a sudden. After all, you do love Germany! You want to go there, live there! And its true, I dont want to stay here, I WANT to go there! but on the other hand... I dont know, somehow the fact that the VERY FACT of my thinking, "is it what i really want?", is really disturbing to me. I mean, if i want to do this so much, why should such a thought EVER occur to me?
Now it actually seems quite reasonable to me that it might only have been because i suddenly got frightened, now that it became so real and near... but uh... the bad taste is still there, if you know what i mean. ;S
And apart from it, i am REALLY worried that by going there I might lose. Really. like.. ok, i can AlWaYS come back, cause it the easiest thing to do, and the time i spend there will never be wasted cause I'll be learning German all the time... but what if i stay there, not for 5 years even, but two, and then at some point realise - thats no use! i'm not gonna manage to do this, that is not good for me - and what if i screw up these years? what if these years are screwed up for me? I'll plainly lose.
Well, the funniest thing is, i'm pretty much positive that had i been in a position of somebody observing myself being troubled with all this, I'd say: You have to go there. No matter what might happen, this is what you have to do. Let alone the trivial sentence that you wont know what happens unless you do this....
So its like this: I aint gonna resign. I aint gonna give up. I will be doing everything to get there and eventually i WILL get there. But somewhere in the back of my head theres suddenly a lot of doubt, which makes my choise really some kind of grim fate awaiting me no matter what. Its not like its really pushing me to the ground or something, but theres still some weird feeling about it. Its like.. its even hard to name it, you know? Its like a decision I made but i had no choice. hmmm. weird.
so, other issues will be dealt with later... till then...
|01:18 a.m. CET|
Monday, September 27, 2004
♫ Poison/Alice Cooper
Also.. whos got Alice Cooper on loop recently?
I wanna love you but I better not touch (don't touch)
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much (too much)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison, running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
yes... *nods*
|01:44 a.m. CET|
Monday, September 27, 2004
♫ Poison/Alice Cooper
So i had this kinda Star Trek feast today cause Canal+ showed two movies in a row (Nemesis and Generations). omg i feel so old!!! I havent seen star trek in AGES... o_O XD .. it was cool ...^^;
also, i got crazy for Gravitation... yes.. this anime&manga... n.n; lol...
|01:28 a.m. CET|
Sunday, September 26, 2004
♫ i wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop..
also, ich hab dem Peter geschrieben. hoffentlich bekommt er die email und antwortet bald... er is meine einzige hoffnung sozusagen. naja is ja vielleicht nicht so schlecht aber ich ... wie sagt man I count on him? naja. sehr.
...
|01:52 a.m. CET|
Thursday, September 23, 2004
♫
Hat mich mit Matthias (aus der Schweiz) ganz schoen fuer 3 stunden unterhalten.... und meine laune hat sich deutlich verbessert.... :D :D
|12:50 a.m. CET|
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
♫ Liebe ist Alles/Rosenstolz
songs of the day: Die Liebe ist Tot, Herzensschöner and Liebe ist Alles by Rosenstolz.
:( :( :( Ich will nach Deutschland :(((
|08:07 p.m. CET|
Saturday, September 18, 2004
♫ Niet alleen/Ad Manders
the'yre gone :( :( :( it was good anyway cause their train was late 40 mins... ;| so we had a bit more time for ourselves :S
|10:30 p.m. CET|
Saturday, September 18, 2004
♫
:/
heute ist der sog. zeit mit der familien und ich habs nicht geschafft mich mit irgendjemandem von den deutschen zu treffen, und ich fahr erst um 1900 uhr zu dem bahnhof. sie fahren naemlich um 1940 ab. *heul* gestern waren wir in der stadt aber zuerst eine stunde fuer einen lokal suchen verschwanden und dann alle fuhren irgendwie um 2300 uhr weg :( war trotzdem ganz nett, hab mich mit den jungs relativ viel unterhaltet usw. is ja ganz schrecklich dass sie schon fahren muessen :( :( naja und ich denk mal ich und miri werden vielleicht irgendwie im kontakt bleiben aber sonst... naja so isses mit den austauschen :( :/
andere news: da ich jetzt die ganze woche lang mit dem handy meiner eltern herumgelaufen bin (wegen kontakt zu miri und ihre gastschwester), kriege ich bald mein eigenes handy. naja. god has left the building. auf der einen seite, wird das ganz nuetzlich sein wenn es zu meinen kontakten in dem ausland kommt aber sonst .... naja alle wissen dass ich handys hasse ;S werde meine nummer so wenig wie moeglich mitteilen.
habe einen tollen musikportal endeckt und zwar mp3.de. wenn ich ein bisschen freien platz auf den festplatten habe, lade ich ganz viel davon runter.. ^^
|03:42 p.m. CET|
Saturday, September 18, 2004
♫ Vega/reNoir
:(
|01:45 p.m. CET|
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
♫ in the shadows of the castle they're dying for a thrill
hab mit Miri gesimst, die deutschen kommen wohl morgen..also ahm... heute mit dem um genau 1944 uhr an. :D riesig freu!! yay
muss mal Peter anrufen...
übrigens: hab ne Tanz der Vampire-LJ community entdeckt!!!!!! hier XDDDD
|12:39 a.m. CET|
Monday, September 13, 2004
♫ Hart/De Kleine Verleiding
zzz.. *yawn*
|11:01 p.m. CET|
Sunday, September 12, 2004
♫ Hart/De Kleine Verleiding
woah.. i'm tired. -.-
i was in lublin today, principally to meet with Dori but we kinda didnt make it.. you see i waited for like an hour and she waited for me for over 2 hours and we didnt meet. she was sitting upstairs in mcdonalds while i was standing outside mcd. go figure.
i'm sorry for her, i mean it was the fault of both of us cause i would never think she could be inside while she didnt think to go out and see if i wasnt standing there. omg. but i;;m sorry cause she had to have a much longer journey than i did and mensch she didnt have anything else to do in Lublin besides meeting me... so that kinda sucks, doesnt it???
well the good side of it for me is that i bought a birthday gift for Tina (a necklace, think i'll buy some cosmetics as well) and a card for Majka :)
and Miri called today. they have come to Wroclaw yesterday and will arrive in Lublin on Tue. its a good thing they're apparently coming by train, so i'll be able to come and meet them. i 'd like Miri to spend a night here so that will be a good occassion to talk to everybody at once, her host family and herself.. :)
been d/ling some music cause i managed to free a bit of my HD space and been downloading a lot from vitaminic.it and .nl ^^ i found some cool bands like this one and this ..or this one ;) XD
omg, my back.. n.n;;;
|01:05 a.m. CET|
Friday, September 10, 2004
♫
15:06 2004-09-04 Emeis/Anna Vissi & Nikos Karbelas
so. i'm offline again cause my contract for the ADSL ended on the 1st Sept and i aint gonna have internet until i come back home which will probably happen on the 09.Sept.
i miss my connection but i've actually been kept busy. yesterday i was at the dentist's to exchange some old fillings, today in the evening i'm going with Alicja to see Fahrenheit 9/11 and then The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or however it is called... so we're gonna have a nice movie night at the cinema :D tomorrow evening we're going to the theatre to see an Irish play Lonesome West. last week we went to see its first part (Beauty Queen of Leenane) and we liked it a LOT. the plays are written by a Martin McDonagh. there's supposed to be a third part..maybe they'll play it next year.. ^^
and a great thing happened on Thursday. I went to Warsaw because I was informed that the results of my Test DaF (you know, the one which allows to be admitted to a German university) were already there. so i went there (not without complication of "transport" nature ;P) and omg!!! I cant believe it!! guess what :D I got 19 out of 20 points ... !!!! this means that i'm practially admitted to Göttingen and also to the most of german universities (had i scored 20/20 i would have "open doors" to every university, of course in matter of proving my knowledge of the language) but most universities allow it to be between 18 and 20 points to admit a candidate without additional conditions (like attending Lektorat Deutsch als Fremdsprache) ...!!!!!!! OMG can you believe it!?? now the most important obstacle has vanished and i only need formalities such as money :P, things with the embassy and of course the university itself... and man!!! i might be studying in Göttingen next year!! *does a crazy dance* I simply cant believe i did So WELL in the test. its just.. impossible!! I'm not that good..!! whats funnier, the only part (there were four) i got 4 and not 5 pts was .. Schriftlicher Ausdruck. or, alright, i can actually understand that, cause there was too little time for me ... but i cant believe i got 5 in "speaking"! ._. well.. *looks around* lets face it apparently i AM that GOOD! *ggg* naah... XDXDXDXDXD
14:07 2004-09-07 Emeis/Anna Vissi & Nikos Karbelas
hey, i'm listening to the same song again. o_O
well i have some things to write but i'm too lazy and i dont feel too well either, dunno why actually. ><; i'm going to alicja's soon... blah and in two days i'm leaving olsztyn.. :( boo..
this pointless entry was presented to you by me :P
|02:12 a.m. CET|
Monday, August 30, 2004
♫ Nog één Keer/Volumia!
Omg. cant install olympic screensavers... cause i have too little place on my disks. boohoo. i have like, 108 MB on C: and less than 80 MB on D:.. well the problems began when i started d/ling anime like crazy, earlier i had a lot (several gigabytes) of place on C: only D: was almost full... *hides* anyway i'm waiting for a burner ... I actually hope to get one for my birthday (which is still a bit far away anway.. -.-) cause then i'll be able to burn all the movie clips and delete them fro the disks.. even if i managed to delete only XME episodes from D: it's be great.. ehh.. *dream*
|07:23 p.m. CET|
Sunday, August 29, 2004
♫ TVP1 - Olympic studio
booooohohoho.. the Games closing ceremony just finished.. it was really good, i liked it a lot, the music was great, and the fireworks... i was a little surprised cause I didnt like the closing ceremony in SLC at all... well closing ceremonies are always a lot different than the opening ones.. :P but i really liked it a lot. Plus!! i saw 3 brazilian volleyball players and then for almost all the time i saw Stephane Antiga (french volleyballer) standing behind the kinda scene on which the singers etc. performed.. the french did find a good spot both for observing the performances and to be filmed :D :D :D
i'm so sad its over.....bohohoo... :( even though a lot of our athletes failed... we only got 10 medals whereas we hoped to get at least 14... but of course our athletes are not what its all about.. soyeah..
:(
|10:41 p.m. CET|
Thursday, August 26, 2004
♫ TVP2 - Olympic broadcast
as i'm bored and lazy today, i'll try to outline what was going on during this month when i was too lazy to upload the layout >.< ...
well in the second half of july after i came here, to olsztyn, i had quite a lot to do, well maybe not that i was somehow very busy but i had things to do.. things like visiting the cinema ^^ (within 4 days i went to the cinema 3 times *gg* i saw King Arthur, Shrek 2 (ROTFL) and Lost in Translation), meeting with Alicja, visiting the tea house XD and the dentist o_O well then on the 28th came the girls (natalia, ola and monika, and later kasia) because the volleyball tournament was starting on the 29th (you know, the international tournament... RUS, HOL, AUS, TUN and our two teams ("A" and "B") took part... :)) well i must admit that the first two days werent too good, the matches were boring, the sound in the venue was often extremely extremely loud and i was also kinda sad for some reason.. but then the third and last day was much better... so everything was forgotten. :))) the girls left on the 1st of August and then the "usual" things began.. visitng the old town, reading, sitting at the comp (btw i got the internet on July 22nd) and so on... in the meantime I and Alicja also went to check the flat Natalia was trying to rent... yeah and then before the Games started, on the 12th, I went to visit Natalia.. you know i know two Natalias, One is in Lublin and the otheer one-- this i'm tallking about now-- lives in the far west of the country... thanks to our damn rail i had to spend 11 hrs on the train in order to get to Natalia's... even though its only like 600 kms and well it only lasted so long due to the bad connection... :( i was so tired! anyway, we had a lot of fun, i really spent a great time there, well on the first day we stayed up until 3 or 4 AM although i had to get up before 5 AM ...so i spent like 23 hrs up... but i wasnt THAT tired... :) and the next day we fell asleep watching a volleyball match on video.. *g* and then we certainly watched the Olympic Games Opening ceremony which i liked a lot.... and then the games began XD we actually watched EVERYTHING, natalia has CT (czech tv), RAI, ARD and naturally our tv which all broadcast the Olympics so we watched the games all the time, up till the night olympic news flashes ^^ well we were in the town once or twice, but most of the time it was really hot so we didnt feel like going out too much anyway.. and I left on Wed (18.08), i was really sorry to leave though.. and since then I've been watching the Olympics o_O i've been visitng alicja to see our volleyball matches at the olympics (we miraculously qualified to the quarterfinals but we lost it, and anyway we really didnt do well... *grrrrrr*) and yesterday she was here to see the quarterfinals...
well i suppose i'm leaving for home about 06.-08.09... actually i wont have the net from 01. sept until i come back home... hopefuly i wont die of boredom..!! *is totally addicted :( * in between, as i said, the olympics will be over :((( suppose next week i'm going to Warsaw.. also the local theatre is finishing its holiday break and there are gonna be some interesting plays soon.. so i hope i can go see these... :)
|07:25 p.m. CET|
Thursday, August 26, 2004
♫ Stay/Marko Haavisto & Poutahaukat
hmmm... *yawn* man i've been writing so much in German recently that i almost forgot how to use englisch ... omg.. help!! well university is beginning within a month so I'll be reminded about it soon.. hehe... hmm.. I'm kinda bored.. nothing interesting is going in Athens (basketball), i dont have much to do since I finally updated this site and also my polish site..!! well i have some very long emails to write to Andreas but i'm so laaaaaaaaazy... he was write.. we're writing too much *g*.. well you see i registered at this forum and i got to know a couple of very nice people.. Andreas is one of them :) thats why i've been usng so much German recently.
remmeber my Test DAF I took in June in Warsaw??? well I called the SGH (the school it took place in) and they said the results are already there....!!! its not like with FCE or CAE though, when they actually SEND you the copy of the results so that you know ... so i only know that i have to go to Warsaw soon to find out the results.. I'm so nervous!!! I'll probably go next week.. after the olympics are finished.. Its actually gonna be cool, I'd visit some cool shops... and maybe the manga places I know about.. :) ...especially now that the heats seem to be gone for a longer time.. I thought i could go with Alicja, but she doesnt have too much time since she has to take car of her sister's first child.. and anyway she's already going to Gdansk with her friends to seek a flat to rent... well all in all going by myself will be fine too... XD
|02:52 p.m. CET|
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
♫ TVN - Champions League
so, i'm back! :P well.. back from my laziness. o_O finally did the index page cause the rest was actually ready long ago... o_O ... i suppose i'm gonna write more later... ^^
below you have the stuff i wrote last month while still offline.
|11:20 p.m. CET|
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
♫ Etiuda rewolucyjna/Frederic Chopin
13:36 2004-07-18 Tears/X Japan
sothere. i dont have my connection yet and i dunno when it will be installed... so i'm writing this in the Notepad, to paste it later. ^^ i have just worked a bit on the new layout (finally ;P) and there's not much left to do on it ^^. hmm.. blah. n.n; i feel... not tired cause i slept like 11 hrs or sth oOO but .. well, blahness is there :lol:. i wish i had my connection already... i feel so ambivalent you know (er. does this word exist in english? i didnt take any dictionary and online dictionaries are, obviously, unreachable ;P) - it were my parents who started talking about me installing a connection here in Olsztyn cause as far as it was obvious that id' be taking my laptop, i just thought i'd be connecting on a dialup connection like, once a week, or so, to check mail and nothing more really.. (the ADSL i'm gonna have, its not really like my grandparents here will now be connected to the net forever and ever-- its not really "being installed", it's only a matter of pulling one and the other cord in the net central, and i'm signing an "unlimited time" contract, which means that i can use the connection for a month OR i can use it forever... its only a matter of going to them at a certain moment and say, alright, i want my contract to end then and then. so de facto i'll probably have to go to the telecom in the beginning of August and say, hi, i want my contract to end in a month.. ;>) but well--the nature of my ambivalency(??) is that on one hand its really cool that i'm gonna be connected here and all but... well, you know, it doesnt help my heavy addiction to the net. it'd really do me good if i didnt have that thing but i just wasnt able to protest. you know? isnt it awful? ...
otherwise.. not much to say at the moment. Alicja was supposed to call like 2 hrs ago, which she didnt, but her sister is expecting a child any day now and maybe she was taken to the hospital tonight or in the morning and thats why she aint calling. xO
10:10 2004-07-20 Gott ist tot/Tanz der Vampire
*yawn* omg i had to get up at 0700 today cause i had t go to some..examination o_O i have no idea what it might be called in english... uh, its the kinda one which they do when one's pregnant and then you can see the baby on the screen. i decided to do it cause sometimes i have some weird stomachaches.. and such ;S but it seems that everything is pretty much alright with my belly. o.0 *yawns again*
blah. i hope its not gonna be as hot as yesterday -_- ...
oh, btw. i called the telecom an they said that the "data" (ie. my order) is verified but they still need to "cross" the line in the central. well, "crossing" means nothing more than turning one or the other cord over (well, uh, soemthing similar :lol:)-- at any rate it doesnt take more than 10 mins but they told me to call on Friday (!!!) and they SHOULD be ready by then. &Y@*&DHWWH*@&*&@&$*((!!@@## .. :
|01:39 p.m. CET|